Parent's Reason for Refusing to Pay for Son to Finish College Applauded

A frustrated mother who has refused to pay for her son to finish college is being applauded on social media for taking a "tough love" stance.

Higher education in the U.S. may significantly increase employment opportunities, but it comes at a hefty cost. The average cost for a student living on campus and studying at a public, four-year in-state college is around $26,027 a year, or $104,108 for the entire period, according to the Education Data Initiative.

Given that outlay, it is perhaps understandable that some fiscally minded parents might want to keep a close eye on their offspring's grades and, if there is a problem, take serious action. That certainly was the case for a mother posting to Reddit as u/Subject-Ad-6999, who said she had become "so frustrated" at how her son was spending his time at college.

"He is using school as a party place, doesn't go to class or turn things in," she said. "It is stupidity." The mom said that when her son first went off to college in the spring semester, she hoped the experience would help him "spread his wings and move on with his life."

Unfortunately, that has not happened. Instead, he has "failed every single class but one," she wrote, and he ended up on academic probation. Her son insisted that his poor grades resulted because he "lost track of time."

However, his mom decided to give him an ultimatum. "I told him he needs to get off probation, get at least C's this semester, and no issues or I won't pay anymore," she said.

That approach did not have the desired effect, though. A few months later, she got a call from the police asking her to pick up her son after he had been "busted for a party."

On the drive home, she discovered that her son was "failing everything again," so she decided enough was enough. "I told him I am done. I will pay to finish this semester but I won't pay for college anymore," she said. "This resulted in an argument where I told him I don't think he is smart enough for college because he can't learn from his mistakes."

The argument has since spilled over to her ex-husband, her son's father, who has criticized her approach and decision to cut the funding. But she is showing no signs of backing down. "He can pay it if he cares so much," she said.

Commenting on the dilemma, Kara Kays, a licensed marriage and family therapist with Thriveworks, a nationwide provider of online and in-person therapy services, told Newsweek, "While parenting is widely considered to be one of the most jobs a person can engage with, it does not come with a job description.

"Sure, generally the goals are similar: raise a healthy and independent human. But what does it mean to be healthy and independent? Every household will prioritize different characteristics, will have varying definitions of success and even stand in different camps of what healthy means."

She continued: "In this situation of administering a hard truth, the issue isn't the truth that is being presented but rather the way in which it was presented. When looking to help children, even adult children, succeed, the way of doing so should be rooted in support and care. Adapting communication styles that promote self-worth, self-trust and unconditional positive regard are building blocks in parent-child relationships."

Commenters on Reddit said that while the mom's delivery may have been brutal, her message rang true. "I'm not generally a tough love kind of person, but that's probably what your son needs," one wrote. "He needs to learn that you can't just waste all your time f***ing around. You gotta do at least the bare minimum first."

Another concurred, writing, "Some people won't stop till they hit their version of rock bottom."

A third said: "The son can party as much as he likes with far less money than college costs and now that he has plenty of free time he can party all day and night...he needs some hard lessons on life."

Newsweek has contacted u/Subject-Ad-6999 for comment.

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