Friends Telling New Mom 'No One Wants Her Around' Backed

A post about a woman who told her friend that "her baby is the reason no one wants her around" has gone viral on Reddit, where it had 10,400 upvotes at the time of writing.

In a post shared on Reddit's AITA (Am I The A*****) subforum, user Top-Context3526 said her friend Anna, a 24-year-old new mom, had a baby about six months ago and their friend group is "otherwise childless."

The poster said: "All of us used to hang out a lot before the baby was born. Baby changed dynamics because Anna wanted to bring the baby everywhere with her and it's a baby.

"We tried to plan things around baby to include Anna but it always ended up badly. We shouldn't drink, cause Anna can't drink. We shouldn't be loud cause baby needs to sleep. Iceing on the cake is her baby is extremely fussy and cries all the time. It was just a downer for rest of us. So we started hanging out without Anna and her baby," the poster explained.

Is the poster being too harsh on her friend?

Kelsey M. Latimer, a licensed psychologist based in Florida, told Newsweek: "What jumps out to me most about this post is not necessarily the concerns on either side of the friendship, but rather the tone."

She explained: "It is understandable if the friendship may change slightly following a baby, a new job, a significant move, or a marriage. Those major life events can change the specifics of the dynamics of the relationship. However, when a friendship is a deep friendship the values of that friendship should not change as a result of an external factor."

According to a June 2017 study published in Demographic Research, which looked at how social relationships with relatives, friends and neighbors change when people have children, found that parenthood increases contact with neighbors as contact with friends decreases.

Differences were reported based on the timing of parenthood. The study found that "the earlier men and women have children, the harder it is to keep in contact with friends..."

The friend in the latest Reddit post said her group of friends recently went on vacation without Anna and she asked why she wasn't asked to join.

After initially trying to make other excuses to spare her feelings, the poster later told Anna "we did not want to hang out with her baby...we don't want to live our life around a baby she chose to have" and "that we get to do adult stuff and party all we wanted."

The poster said: "Her baby is the only reason she wasn't invited. If she left baby at home, she can come too..."

According to the poster, Anna refuses to leave the baby with her boyfriend or babysitter, even for adults-only events, such as a recent dinner where she brought her child. "Baby cried throughout the night earning us glares and we had to leave early," the poster said.

'Be Open and Kind in Tone'

Latimer said: "What I would highly recommend in any situation where there is a major life change that shifts a friendship dynamic, is that you sit down in person and talk to your friend."

Expressing that you're aware "things are changing and you are so very happy for them," the psychologist suggested talking openly about "what you can do together to support their new change."

She said: "Be open and kind in tone if you, the friend group, want time as just the adults and make time to incorporate your friend's life and schedule. Compromise, openness, and respect are necessary for a true long-lasting friendship."

Some Friendships Are Not 'Forever'

Latimer explained that sometimes things happen that make us realize that a certain friendship may not be a "forever one."

She said: "Friendships are known to last for a reason, a season or a lifetime. If you find this relationship was for a season in your life or shifts from a deep friendship to an acquaintanceship, that is okay, but it comes down to the tone of communication.

"Bringing other people into the middle of a situation is a set-up for chaos. Sit down and talk it out with the person you care about 1:1 and think about how you would want someone to approach you if the tables were turned," she advised.

'Having a Kid Was Her Decision'

Several Reddit users sided with the original poster and criticized the new mother.

8inchSalvattore said: "Friend needs to be realistic. Having a kid was her decision, no one else's...friend should have considered the consequences sooner. NTA."

User knitlikeaboss wrote the poster is "NTA [not the a*****] You're not excluding her because she's a mom. You're excluding her because she makes being a mom everyone else's problem...She needs to accept that having a baby has changed things for her but that doesn't mean everyone else has to change everything to accommodate that."

LimitlessMegan agreed, saying "it's not just that she brings her baby... it's that she controls what others are allowed to do because she has a baby."

User Flashy-Milk3518, however, was understanding of the new mom, saying: "Honestly, if my baby was breastfed, I wouldn't leave my child for an extended period of time with anyone else either."

Newsweek has contacted the original poster for comment via the Reddit messaging system.

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