Why Experts Want Couples To Consider Sleeping Apart This Winter

As the nights draw in, snuggling up with your partner for a long winter's nap may sound appealing. But not everyone benefits from sleeping next to their partner.

When it comes to long-term relationships, roughly one in six American adults say that they would prefer to sleep in a different bed from their partner, or in a different room entirely, according to YouGov polls. The phenomenon is so common that it has earned its own nickname: a sleep divorce.

"A sleep divorce is a divisive topic and often people associate it with the crumbling of a relationship," Kora Habinakova, a sleep expert at the bedding company Sleepseeker, told Newsweek. "However, this is not the case. Sharing a bed with someone can often lead to a restless night's sleep, and with sleep being all the more important in the winter a sleep divorce may actually be the key to helping your relationship."

Getting enough sleep is important for our mental and physical health at all times of the year, but studies suggest it may be even more important in the winter.

A study published in the journal Frontiers in February 2023 found that people tend to sleep more during the winter and spend longer periods in restorative REM sleep. Exactly why we need more sleep in the winter is not yet fully understood, but researchers believe that less sunlight and colder temperatures are likely contributing factors.

"With the changes in the amount of daylight hours and the increased production of melatonin, we often find ourselves feeling more sleepy in the winter so a good sleep routine is essential for feeling more refreshed during the day," Habinakova. "As well as this, a lack of sleep can exacerbate symptoms of, and possibly lead to, Seasonal Affective Disorder."

For some people, sleeping with a partner may actually improve sleep quality. But for many others, this is not the case.

"There are many individual factors that can contribute to a couple's sleep compatibility," Wendy Troxel, a senior behavioral scientist at the RAND Corporation think tank and professor at the University of Pittsburgh and the University of Utah, previously told Newsweek. "For instance, if one partner tends to be a very light sleeper, whose sleep is easily disrupted, then they may face more challenges when sharing a bed, because even the slightest noises or movements can disrupt their sleep.

"If you have a partner who snores, who tosses and turns, steals the sheets, has a different sleep-wake pattern than you—e.g. he's a night owl and you're a lark—or engages in other sleep-disrupting behaviors, like scrolling through his phone or insisting on keeping the TV on all night, these are all factors that can disrupt your sleep, and potentially lead to relationship strife as well!"

Numerous studies have shown that sleep deprivation takes a toll on our ability to control our emotions, attention spans and judgment, which could potentially impact your relationship in the long run.

"A consistently poor sleep pattern can cause irritability, mood swings and impaired communication and problem-solving, all of which can put a strain on your relationship," Habinakova said. "So, if you find yourself losing sleep due to you or your partner's habits, sleeping separately could be the perfect way to help both of you feel more rested and actually reduce conflict."

A sleep divorce does not necessarily require a blanket ban on shared sleeping arrangements either, clinical psychologist and sleep specialist Michael Breus, founder of the Sleep Doctor website, told Newsweek.

"In many cases I have it where one person sleeps four nights a week alone and then on the weekends with their partner," Breus said. "The strength of your relationship is NOT affected by sleeping in the same bed."

Sleeping in separate beds in the same bedroom is also an option if you still want to sleep in the same room as your partner. "This type of sleep divorce is perfect for anyone struggling with a partner's restlessness in bed," Habinakova said. "However, it may not be suitable for couples with different sleeping patterns or if the issue at hand is snoring."

If you do still prefer to sleep in the same bed as your partner, Breus has some simple tips:

• Get a bigger mattress.
• Solve snoring issues and talk to a sleep specialist.
• Try different sleep positions.
• Communicate with your partner.
• Kick the kids and pets out.
• Make the room more sleep-friendly.