I Sent a Guy a Very Kind Rejection Text. His Response Was Illuminating

I went on a date with a guy a few months ago. It was fine, but I picked up a few "icks". His car was dirty, he had a pompous attitude, and he was talking bad about the neighborhood I live in.

He wanted to go on a second date and wasn't really getting the vibe that I wasn't into it. So, I sent him a very kind rejection text that said: "I think you're a great guy. I had a lot of fun, but I don't think I'm feeling the connection that you're feeling. I wish you well."

He responded by telling me that I was overestimating my position in the situation and he never wanted to date me in the first place, even though he wanted to go on a second date. He then told me I needed to get over myself.

I responded by telling him he had a fragile ego. This, of course, only added fuel to the fire. So then I received a few paragraphs telling me that I am simple, uninteresting, and myopic.

I had to Google what myopic meant and found that he was calling me simple-minded.

This wasn't my first encounter with a man like this, so I wasn't offended. In fact, I laughed simply because it was so far from the truth. After these paragraphs, I blocked him and did not respond.

I realized that, first off, I just should not have responded in the first place. I should not have brought my ego into the situation to call out his ego.

The second thing I realized is more of an observation. I am not bashing men at all, but I think it's illuminating as to how women are conditioned versus men. Neither of which, in this situation, is good.

When women get rejected, we think: "What's wrong with me?" We tend to turn inwards. "What did I do? What do I lack?"

But when men get rejected, at least in my personal experience, it's been an outward projection. "What's wrong with you? You're crazy. There's nothing wrong with me."

I think it's fascinating.

If this happened again I've learned to not respond. Even though the inclination to bite back and have the last word is real, it's not worth it. Especially with a stranger! Besides, silence speaks volumes.

Although I'm generalizing, I do think men's confidence is conditioned differently from women's.

For men, toxic masculinity can come into play which promotes a sense of entitlement. And the ones who react like this clearly haven't fully developed their emotional intelligence. For women, our confidence can be underdeveloped because we're most likely conditioned to serve others and be caretakers.

Having said that, in 2023 our culture has come a long way in addressing these dynamics, but they're still embedded in our society. And to be clear, the man who responded to me like this is not at fault for being raised in a toxically masculine world.

It is, however, his responsibility to work to "unpack" that for himself and not project it onto others.

Ava Camille Baker is a singer/songwriter originally from the Washington D.C. area. She currently lives in Los Angeles where she is pursuing her dream of being a full-time artist.

All views expressed in this article are the author's own.

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