Woman Slammed for Not Wanting a Dad in Her Mom Group Chat

A woman has come under fire online after sharing that she doesn't want a dad in a group chat full of moms.

The woman had taken to Reddit to share her disdain at the prospect of the man joining the group chat that she's a part of, but has been met with criticism from readers.

"I am a single mother to two kids. Both of my kids are in daycare and over the years I have built a solid friend group with a handful of other moms and our kids regularly get together for play dates. Our mom group has a group chat that we use to support each other," the 35-year-old woman wrote online.

"A few months ago, there were two new kids that started at our daycare center. I noticed that their dad was the only parent to ever pick up or drop off the kids. He would try to make small talk with me a few times, but I am uncomfortable around strange men so I would be polite, but not engage further than that."

"A few weeks ago, one of the moms [told] the group that she was adding this new dad to our group chat because he wanted to have his kids participate in play dates outside of daycare. I privately texted the mom and told her that I don't feel comfortable with a man I don't know having my contact information, and told her that she should have consulted all of us before deciding on her own to add him to our group chat," she added.

The woman went on to inform all the other moms of her position. "I want them to keep a separate group chat without the other dad because I don't know him and it makes me uncomfortable," she continued.

The mother of two's complaint backfired, after her friends began to respond with "mixed opinions" on her feelings. Half of the moms agreed to the woman's proposition of a separate chat, while the other half said that this would lead to messages becoming too difficult to keep a track of.

"The mom I texted privately replied to me that she has talked with this dad numerous times and that he seems like a good parent, and that his kids shouldn't be excluded if they want to hang out with their friends outside of daycare. She told me that I am being difficult and making this all harder than it needs to be," the woman wrote.

"The other day when I picked up my kids, my 5-year-old was upset because a bunch of his friends were talking about a playdate that he wasn't invited to. I texted the moms about it and they said that they were getting the kids together with the new dad and didn't invite my kids because of how I was acting."

"I told them it was rude to exclude my kids like that and a couple of the moms told me to grow up because that's exactly what I was trying to do to this dad and his kids. I'm at a loss because these moms had been so supportive to me in the past," she added.

Expert Verdict: Get To Know the New Dad

Newsweek consulted Jennifer Kelman, a licensed clinical social worker and mental health expert on JustAnswer. Kelman, who is now based in Florida, maintains a private practice specializing in relationships, parenting and children's mental health issues.

A graduate of New York University, Kelman told Newsweek: "It sounds to me like the woman has had some trauma in the past with her ex and possibly others, and that can feel very frightening when a new person comes along.

"It does sound like they might be carrying that trauma into this new situation and playing out this discomfort with the new dad. Perhaps her friends could have sent a group message letting everyone know that a new member was joining, but they aren't wrong for not doing it, as I assume others have been added in the past without permission first."

"Group texts can at times cross over these boundaries. She could consider reaching out to the dad to get to know him, which could help put her at ease moving forward. If things feel safe for her, then joining back into things with the group will help her feel connected again," she added.

What Do the Comments Say?

Since it had been shared to the social media platform on February 8 by u/notcomfyaita, the Reddit post has been upvoted by 4,700 users and commented on more than 5,100 times. The majority of the Redditors engaging with the post have slammed the woman for how she reacted to news of the dad joining the chat.

"You aren't the bad guy for not wanting your personal contact information shared with a person you do not know (regardless of gender) or for not wanting to participate in activities where people you don't know are present," one user wrote.

"This is a boundary you are welcome to set but you do not get to dictate what the other moms in the group do. Those who criticized you for setting this boundary were wrong but it sounds like they ultimately respected it by NOT inviting you to an event where the dad would be present. The only person you can dictate gets to be in the friend group is yourself," they added.

Another user commented: "Once birthday parties start, she's going to have to send out her phone number and she won't be able to control which parent gets that information. You can't write 'only to be read by a mom—no dads allowed.'"

"I would bet that OP [original poster] has been using this moms parents group chat as a stand-in therapist. Hopefully the meetup with the new parent will mean that they do create a [second] group with him in it and stop posting in the first one. I really feel sorry for her kids. OP get some real therapy soon, this is really effecting your kids and will more in the future," a third user wrote.

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