A TikTok video sharing a straightforward response to not being included in others' plans has gone viral.
In the video, @astar4real told viewers that they shouldn't put themselves out there to be a part of plans that didn't originally include them, or that included them as an afterthought. The video struck a chord, with over 740,000 people liking it since it was posted two days ago.
In the video, @astar4real addresses the camera with a straightforward message: "If you weren't invited, don't go. If none of your friends told you, don't ask. If you got a late invite, respectfully decline... they had no intention of including you in the original plan."
The clip, candid and practical, prompted users in the comments to share their own experiences of non-inclusion, and even to push back on the original poster's approach.
"I was invited to a family wedding and found out that everyone else had gotten save the dates several months earlier. I declined," @jnnlis wrote.
"This has been a rule for years. I'm always going to respectfully decline whenever I get a last minute anything," @blazjin said.
"I literally forgot to invite one of my friends to my wedding and sent a later invite," user @geminitvvinn said, speaking from the other side. "I had every intention of inviting them but was going through a lot at the time."
Asking to be included can be awkward, but there are ways around it
Cassandra Boduch, MD, a board-certified psychiatrist, told Newsweek that situations like @astar4real describes in the video can be awkward, but there are options to handle them gracefully should the person want to attend the event. She emphasized the importance of assessing the nature of the event before deciding how to respond.
"If it's an intimate gathering or a private affair, it might be best to respect the host's choice and not try to insert yourself," Boduch said. However, for casual get-togethers or larger celebrations, she suggested appropriate ways to navigate the situation.
- Reach out to the host in a friendly way
"Avoid sounding confrontational or offended; instead, express your interest in the event and mention that you heard about it through the grapevine," she said.
- If it feels awkward, user humor
"Jokingly reference your detective skills or claim to have a 'party radar' that finally led you to the event details," she said. Again, "make sure your tone is lighthearted and not demanding."
- Remember, digital communication can make things murky
"Politely inquire if there was a mix-up or if the invitation got lost in the digital or postal realm. Keep in mind that people might genuinely overlook invitations, especially in the age of digital communication," she said.
- Finally, accept the response gracefully
"If the host responds positively and indicates there was a mistake, express your excitement about attending and ask if it's still possible to join the festivities. If they offer an explanation for the oversight, be understanding and gracious," she said. "Alternatively, if the host's response is less inviting, gracefully accept the situation... Consider suggesting another opportunity to meet up in the future, emphasizing your interest in spending time together."
Ultimately, Boduch suggests keeping a positive attitude through it all.
As discussions continue online, @astar4real's video—though blunt—prompts users to consider the nuances of social inclusion and the opportunity to handle non-inclusion with tact.
Uncommon Knowledge
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