Woman Backed for Ignoring Crying Baby in Favor of Eating Dessert

Societal norms are changing as more people ask what it means to be traditional. Some aspire to maintain a child-free lifestyle while others fulfill the roles of caretakers and homemakers with anticipation and glee; but what happens when those two lifestyles mix?

Redditors are discussing a viral post to Reddit's Am I the A******? (AITA) forum, in which user u/pupetteer shared that she was criticized by her friends for not showing concern toward a stranger's crying baby in favor of enjoying her dessert. The incident has ignited debate online about societal expectations around empathy and children, and the dynamics of friendships amidst life transitions.

"I asked [my friend] if my heart should ache every time a strange child cried just because I have a uterus," the original poster (OP) wrote, to which her friend responded calling her an a******.

The OP wrote that she was out to dinner with two friends, one of whom is pregnant, while the other is struggling with getting pregnant. Throughout the dinner, the conversation revolved around pregnancies and childbirth—topics that did not particularly interest the OP, who wrote she does not plan on having children herself.

As the conversation ensued, a baby nearby began crying, prompting her friends to express concern for the child. However, the OP found herself tuning out the crying, considering it background noise, and focused instead on eating her dessert. When her friends noticed her lack of participation in their conversation about the crying baby, they confronted her, accusing her of lacking empathy.

"Both of them looked at me in horror and pity," the OP wrote. "Kim told me that it is good I don't plan on having children because I'm heartless and that my baby would be unlucky to be my baby."

The OP said she initially laughed off their comments but later felt confusion and disappointment over their reactions.

Debate sparked online, OP backed

The incident has sparked controversy on Reddit, with many users coming to the woman's defense, arguing that she is not obligated to react to someone else's child, especially if she does not plan on having children herself.

"I know it's disappointing to hear, but you may have outgrown your friendship with them," u/spring-72 wrote. "You are in no way obligated to have a reaction to anyone's child, a stranger or theirs...If you choose to remain friends with these two, your [point-of-view] may change when it's their kids, or it may not. Kudos to you for not lying to feign concern."

Others pointed out the performative nature of some when it comes to child-related issues, offering that societal pressures and anxieties may have influenced the friends' reactions.

"It's common for many people who are becoming first time parents or want to be parents to get real performative about anything child related. Part of it is because people are super quick to get judge-y if you don't mouth the right and polite words fast enough, and then that anxiety spills over to other parts of their lives. Hopefully they'll calm down a bit once their kids are old enough that they can get some perspective," u/badtanjob wrote.

In response to the overwhelming support online, the OP said she was reconsidering her friendship with the two friends. She said she feels conflicted about whether to confront them with the online opinions she received or silently distance herself from the relationships. Whichever route she chooses in the end, it is undeniable that having children can often transform friendships.