A frustrated husband has turned to Reddit for advice on a family dilemma. In the post, which has over 14,000 upvotes, the 52-year-old says that his wife has spent the majority of her biological daughter's college fund in order to pay for her shopping addiction.
In the post, user Wifestolethemoney says that he has been with his wife Andrea, 48, and stepdaughter Cassie, 17, for eight years. The couple has saved up $200,000 as a college fund for Cassie "so she wouldn't be crushed by debt."
"Cassie is aware of this and is banking on it since she's trying to get into the Ivy League," he writes.
According to a survey by Truist Bank (formerly SunTrust Bank), 35 percent of married couples named money as the leading cause of relationship issues.
The husband goes on to explain that he recently found out "that almost $170,000 of the money was missing from the account."
After confronting his wife, she admitted that she had been using the money to fund her shopping habit. He says that his wife then asked him to take the blame so as not to damage her already rocky relationship with her daughter.
"I don't know what the hell to do. The last thing I want to do is lie to Cassie, but I don't want Andrea and Cassie to split up forever. And the worst part about this whole thing is that Cassie's life is ruined either way. And I don't know how to replenish the money other than maybe borrowing from my 401k."
In an update, he reveals that his intention is to tell Cassie the truth and that he does not believe he can stay with his wife after what she did.
Newsweek spoke to Erin Phillips, a licensed clinical social worker at mental health company Thriveworks about the tricky issue.
Phillips said: "What a terrible situation to have your trust betrayed by your partner. I applaud the husband for taking some time to collect his thoughts and not just react, and then following up in a timely manner. This is an example of good communication. The wife asking her husband to lie to his daughter—I'm sure—felt like another betrayal."
"It's important to remember that no one is responsible for anyone else's relationships—the problems between the daughter and her mother are not the father's issue. She is old enough to be told the truth and her mother will have to face the consequences of her actions," the expert said.
Phillips suggested that in times of trauma like this, "it is important to look after yourself and your own mental health." She added, "Being mindful of your feelings, both good and bad, will help to mitigate any negative reactions you may have in the future."
Users on Reddit offered advice to the husband.
User fattatgirl commented, "Do not lie to Cassie. That's punishing her for her mother's sins. It WILL come out eventually. Her mother needs to be honest."
Another user commented, "Do not take the blame, your wife admitting her mistake to her daughter is the only way your wife's addiction is going to stop. If she can't admit her wrongdoings to the person it hurts most, she can't move on from her addiction."
Newsweek has reached out to the Reddit user for comment.
If you have a family dilemma, let us know via life@newsweek.com. We can ask experts for advice, and your story could be featured on Newsweek.
Uncommon Knowledge
Newsweek is committed to challenging conventional wisdom and finding connections in the search for common ground.
Newsweek is committed to challenging conventional wisdom and finding connections in the search for common ground.
About the writer
Leonie Helm is a Newsweek Life Reporter and is based in London, UK. Her focus is reporting on all things ... Read more
