I'm a Diagnosed Sociopath. I Feel No Guilt, Empathy, or Remorse

I am a diagnosed sociopath. I have no guilt, empathy, or remorse—and I don't understand why that's considered a bad thing.

Apparently, having empathy makes you a good person automatically. But I disagree. I believe that empaths have very selective empathy, and that it can be used against you in a number of ways.

I have cognitive empathy; I know exactly what you're going through, and I think that's sufficient. I don't need to take on your emotional burden.

By societal standards, I may be an evil person; I don't do things the right way, and I don't necessarily care about a lot of people. I care about those closest to me—but everyone else, if they get in my way, I will take them out.

And I don't care what society has to say about that.

I was diagnosed with antisocial personality disorder (ASPD) at the age of 21, but I'd been quite the menace during my childhood.

I had a significant history of truancy, violent behavior, pathological lying, bullying, and callousness prior to 15, which led to the diagnosis of conduct disorder—a precursor to ASPD.

Post-high school, I'd learned to manipulate in a much more subtle manner, and though I still lacked affective empathy, guilt, remorse, and probably a conscience, I had created a mask to hide my ASPD.

My persona was kind, charitable, and, most of all, charismatic.

When I was officially diagnosed, I didn't go to the psychiatrist's office all too willingly. I had attempted to take my own life and was suffering from crippling depression.

I was offered the opportunity to either be placed in a psychiatric facility or see a psychiatrist in an outpatient capacity; obviously, I chose the latter.

My psychiatrist could see through the pathological lies and tried to change my mindset, but I can openly state that I was vicious to people who tried to go against me or people who were close to me.

My lack of a conscience allowed me to be a kleptomaniac—not that it was needed, it was just a thrill. I was cold on the inside but incredibly magnetic on the outside.

I was a social chameleon and I did well in student politics because I could become anybody people wanted me to be or anyone that would make me successful.

I believe I am a product of nature and nurture. My family is filled with people who I feel could quite easily be diagnosed with ASPD, or be called psychopaths outright. I also grew up around people with a history of domestic violence and sexual assault.

I experienced the same myself, in my early 20s. As cunning as I was, I got outplayed, and what makes me angriest is the loss of control.

As a child, I wasn't allowed to show emotions, and struggled to connect with people naturally from an early age; it was all pretty much forced on my end. I didn't know what made people want to be friends with one another, so I mimicked successful behavior.

I have seen people crying on the streets, and it does nothing to me. I feel absolutely nothing. In my eyes, it just doesn't concern me. It's not my problem.

While I don't care about random people I see in the street, I do my fair share of philanthropy—and not because society tells me to.

I have a certain range of causes that I genuinely care about, including the rights of women and shelters for those who have experienced sexual assault and domestic violence, so I donate to those charities.

Nobody supported me when I was raped, and despite the police wanting to take it to trial, many people called me a liar. I have compassion for women and gay men who have experienced what I have, and try to support others in that situation.

I have also created a website, called Cinderella's Revenge, to serve as a support system for those who have experienced toxic individuals and have nobody else.

But random homeless people, I don't really care about. On a scale of one to Patrick Bateman, I'm probably a seven.

No, I am not going to murder anyone, but I do believe that guilt is a control mechanism used by people to punish you for doing things that benefit you. I think it's a very toxic and unnecessary emotion.

I don't feel guilt. In fact, I have never felt guilt once in my life, for anything I've done. It is a foreign experience to me.

But judging by the way that other people explain it to me, why would anyone want to feel that? Why would anyone think this is a healthy emotion that they should be feeling?

I don't need guilt to force me into being kind. However, it also does not hold me back from backstabbing the people I need to so I can get ahead. I believe this gives me an advantage in life other people do not have.

The element of my personality disorder most people find the most surprising is that I don't have empathy for myself either. I don't have empathy for my future self, or my past self.

To me, what has happened in the past is gone. It doesn't exist. Similarly, what is coming up in the future doesn't concern me, which is why I don't feel anxiety. It doesn't mean I can't think about the future, I just don't attach any emotions to it.

Remorse is another emotion I feel is entirely useless and provides no substance to society. When I think about things I have done that weren't necessarily good, I don't care. I have no emotions that link me back to that memory.

Once something has been done, it's not going to be undone because you feel bad about it. I see people who have bought something they shouldn't have, or have gone out and cheated on their partner, and when they realize it was a bad decision, they're overcome with remorse.

Yeah, it was a bad decision—but what are you going to do about it? You're going to dwell on it, but is that going to help you? Is that going to help anybody? Absolutely not. What is the point of that?

In my opinion, having a lack of empathy, guilt, and remorse has made me a very successful person in life.

I have achieved things that I would have never achieved if I was worrying about the impact I had on other people. I wouldn't have taken risks that were so wild, but I achieved incredible outcomes.

So tell me, do you still want to have empathy?

Kanika Batra is a model, author and content creator based in Australia. You can follow her on Instagram @kanikabatra.

All views expressed in this article are the author's own.

As told to Newsweek's My Turn associate editor, Monica Greep.

Do you have a unique experience or personal story to share? Email the My Turn team at myturn@newsweek.com.