Serial Bridesmaid Explains How 14 Weddings Left Her Drowning in Debt

Being a bridesmaid is a privilege, but there are plenty of duties and responsibilities that come with the role.

Serial bridesmaid, Jaelle Cooper has fulfilled the role 14 times, and if that wasn't enough for a lifetime, she has also attended more than 30 other weddings as a guest. Having seen so many couples tie the knot, the 27 year old has learned some valuable lessons about what it takes to be the ultimate bridesmaid.

Cooper, from Nashville, told Newsweek: "Getting to be a part of your friend or relative's experience and being alongside them in such a crucial time is so special. I've become closer with certain friends through their weddings."

In general, bridesmaid duties include planning the bachelorette party, a bridal shower, helping the bride make decisions about the wedding, and of course, being by her side on the big day.

Weddings are a cause for celebration all round, so it's unsurprising that 79 percent of people responded to a YouGov survey saying they loved attending them. However, when it comes to bachelorette parties, the story is somewhat different, with as many as 29 percent of respondents saying they hated or disliked attending them.

It's fair to say that Cooper has celebrated with many happy couples over the last 10 years, including five times as the maid of honor, and she has plenty of tips to help make sure the big day goes without a hitch.

"It's hard because I love these women, but now I feel like I'm an expert at weddings. It's difficult when you want to be there for them and be excited, but you know it's going to be a lot of work, time and money."

Don't Get Yourself Into Debt

Weddings aren't cheap for the bride and groom, but there are also a lot of costs for a bridesmaid to think about too. In just one year, Cooper was a bridesmaid six times and racked up $4,000 of credit card debt from the expenses.

She insists that bridesmaids should only take on the planning role if they're financially able, as they don't want to get themselves into trouble like she did, which resulted in working 60 hours a week to pay off her credit card.

"The most difficult part for sure is the financial aspect," she continued. "It's really tough, and even if you're smart with money and you save, the costs really add up.

"Make sure you are financially prepared for how much it's going to cost before you commit to everything. I've had to learn the hard way with a lot of credit card debt. So, make sure you have enough saved up to be able to spend on all the events."

If money is tight, Cooper suggests shopping around for less expensive options when picking where to celebrate, or when choosing a bridesmaid's dress.

The most expensive bachelorette party Cooper attended was a two-night stay in California, which cost approximately $1,200. It wasn't supposed to be quite so expensive, but as a few guests didn't pay their share, it left Cooper footing the bill for them too.

She adds that bridesmaids shouldn't feel obliged to pay for others or cover their costs if it leaves the bridesmaid in difficulty.

Budgeting can be an arduous prospect, but finance expert Bob Chitrathorn told Newsweek that the key lies in starting to save as early as you can. As soon as a couple get engaged, start saving money.

Chitratorn, vice president of wealth planning at Simplified Wealth Management, encourages people to put aside small amounts of money for bridal events.

"There are so many ways to budget, but I believe the best way to budget for something is to start early," he said. "If a wedding is going to cost you $2,400, then you need to save $200 a month for a year. But if you start earlier and save for two years, you can put aside $100 instead.

"If you have been in a lot of weddings, you might want to save more on a monthly basis for those. It's like saving for retirement because you wouldn't start the year before, would you? Plan as far in advance as you can to make saving more realistic."

Try Not To Be a People Pleaser

Cooper admits that she's always tried to keep everyone happy, but she now realizes that this trait didn't help when she was planning events.

She said: "I ended up struggling because I'm a people pleaser and I can't say no, so I just kept putting the extra costs on my credit card and I wasn't being wise. I've learned so much since then and I've been able to pay it off.

"I've always struggled with trying to please everybody, and so as much as I've grown, and learned to say no, it's difficult to not want to do what other people want."

Not everyone in the bridal party will have the same ideas, so conflicts can arise occasionally. Rather than trying to please everybody, Cooper suggests being direct with awkward individuals to remind everyone that decisions should be made with the bride's interests at heart.

"My advice would be to go straight to the person, privately pull them aside and be honest with them about how they're coming across to you or others in the party, telling them that what they're doing is more hurtful than helpful.

"Something helpful to do when someone is making things difficult is to remind the entire bridal party that we are all here for the bride ultimately, and we want to make decisions with her in mind."

You Don't Have To Do It All by Yourself

Something Cooper didn't do regularly enough, but encourages other bridesmaids to do, is ask for help whenever they need it.

It can be difficult to have to plan so much and make a lot of decisions alone, so reach out to other bridesmaids and lean on them for support.

Cooper said: "My next piece of advice would be to ask for help when you need it, especially from the other bridesmaids if you're planning the events. Ask for help and do not feel afraid to do so.

"It's important to be honest with your closest circle and to be vulnerable when you feel like you're drowning in life. I was drowning at one point, I don't say that lightly, and I think my mom was the only person I truly let in."

Cooper insists that bridesmaids should "always be honest" about how they're feeling, as she wishes she'd have been more open in the past. But she says that it's shown what her "personal limits and boundaries" are, which "makes it all worth it."

If You Can't Do Something, It's Ok To Say No

Being part of the bridal party is an honor, but Cooper says that if someone thinks it's going to be too much for them then they should politely say no.

After getting into so much debt, being asked to be a bridesmaid came to feel more overwhelming than exciting for Cooper, and she now wishes she'd felt able to turn some offers down.

"It's hard to be authentic sometimes, but it's OK to tell someone that you would love to be a part of their day and to be a part of the event, but you're personally not able to handle it," Cooper said. "I probably should have said no to a couple of weddings, not because of the friendship or anything, but because of where I was at and how much money I was spending."

Cooper says her experience has made her feel "comfortable saying no" to plans if they're too expensive or difficult. She's stopped saying yes for everybody else's' sake and put her own needs first, which she reminds others to do.

Soak Up Every Moment While You Can

There might seem to be a lot of pressure to get everything done perfectly, but Cooper's final piece of advice is to take time to breathe it all in and appreciate the special moments when they come.

"When you are in a bridal party, soak it up if you can," Cooper said. "Soak up that time with your friend or sibling or whoever. Really try to be intentional with the bride more than anything. Check on her because it's a huge experience for them.

"It is really busy for you but check in on the bride because they are going through even more. They're having to prepare for so much, so make sure they feel valued, celebrated, and loved."

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