Sociologists Give Couples Top Tips for Dividing Up Household Chores Fairly

Same-sex couples are significantly better at dividing the labor of household tasks, research has found, and how they negotiate chore sharing can be useful to improve sharing in opposite-sex couples.

In opposite-sex couples, women do the majority of the housework and childcare. This can lead to strains in relationships, and burnout and health issues for those taking the brunt of the tasks.

There are three ways that same-sex couples avoid these tensions and fairly distribute housework, according to new research in the journal LGBTQ+ Family: An Interdisciplinary Journal.

"We found that same-sex couples had diverse patterns of dividing labor, and most were not equally sharing housework," the authors wrote in the paper. "Yet, most couples felt their DOL [division of labor] was fair. We argue that three key factors enabled participants to construct their DOL fairly, even when unequal: flexibility in allocating labor, communication, and revaluing unpaid labor as equal to paid labor, as an act of love, which can be culturally significant."

Rather than a strict half-and-half split of all the chores, same-sex couples were found to instead allocate tasks in a way that achieved a sense of fairness and equality, according to an essay in the Conversation by the study authors Alice Beban and Glenda Roberts, both sociology researchers at Massey University.

One of the ways that the study found that same-sex couples achieved this includes changing things up. Rather than each member of the relationship sticking to a set of tasks that are theirs to perform, it can feel fairer to choose roles based on needs at the time, personal preferences, and availability. Flexibility from both parties is important for this, with both being willing to swap and change if the need arrives.

Some of the same-sex couples in the study noted that one person always doing one task and the other always doing another, such as cooking or the school run, can lead to rigidity and dependence, which they actively tried to avoid.

Another important factor that the study found was communication. The couples who had more honest communication with each other about chores and labor were more likely to view the share of tasks as fair, while those who had more criticism or aggression in their communication felt a greater degree of unfairness.

Additionally, more tension arises if one party feels guilty about not helping enough, or feels overworked. This can be amended with honest conversations.

The third way that same-sex couples were more successful at achieving a sense of equality than opposite-sex couples is via discussion of the value of unpaid labor.

The study found that same-sex couples attempted to value unpaid labor like cooking or laundry with paid work. This was done simply by acknowledging the work that goes into unpaid tasks, and discussing appreciation for these chores.

"The domestic tasks, we might not enjoy them, but we both value them equally. We both think they are important," one person in the study said.

Essentially, recognizing the work that household tasks involve, and communicating how each party feels about the work they do and the share of the labor, can lead to fewer tensions in relationships.

"Most participants explained their labor division as pragmatic, based on availability and preference, rather than gender, supporting theories of relative resources and time availability in shaping fairness perceptions. However, all participants were aware of how gender shaped their relationships, and some consciously sought to undo gender and heteronormativity through their labor practices," the authors wrote in the paper.

The authors hope that these findings could help heterosexual couples to allocate household work in a better, less gender-normative way, and that this could lead to less tension in the relationship.

"This study contributes to academic theorizing of how LGBTQ + families "do gender" and "do heteronormativity" through unpaid labor and affirms the importance of intersectional analysis for understanding labor practices and perceptions," they wrote.

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