Man Refusing to Spend Christmas With Dad Unless College Fund Repaid Backed

A man demanding his college fund back from his dad has divided the internet, although many commenters are backing him.

In a lengthy post, Redditor u/ThrowRA532255 explained the money saved for his higher education was used for his stepbrother's surgeries, who has passed away in 2021 aged 16, due to chronic heart disease.

Despite this, the 23-year-old son has asked for the college fund back as a "Christmas gift." This request has divided the internet, and more than 6,500 Redditors have commented on the post, which has received over 14,000 upvotes.

Caroline Rowett, of Caroline Rowett Parenting Coaching in London, told Newsweek that "his demands for his college fund appear unreasonable. This man's past painful experiences likely drive his current behavior."

Starting the post, the man wrote that he had "issues" with his dad when his mom passed away and "stepmom came along." So, the original poster (OP) distanced himself from them but stayed in contact with grandparents, uncles and aunts.

The poster explained that his dad is getting a divorce and is feeling lonely and "heartbroken," therefore would like to spend Christmas with him.

"As a response, I told him I'll GLADLY spend Christmas with him if he gives back my college fund in the form of a Christmas gift.

"He and the others didn't like my response. He thought this was harsh and my relatives said that I was a judgmental, petty, greedy a****** to say this to him after he [has] lost so much. They said he did all he could to save his stepson's (my stepbrother) life which they described as 'noble' and that he doesn't owe me a thing. I went home after a big argument with my uncle who came at me for what I said."

Following the row, the OP reconsidered the situation and wrote that he should have "politely and calmly" declined the invite.

The man went on to explain his dad created the fund and his mom didn't work, but they both agreed the savings were for his education. However, the OP ended up working to pay his way at college and some relatives helped.

Rowett said: "The most powerful tool a parent has to maintain and create a strong bond with their child throughout any difficult transition is empathy. By carefully considering the child's perspective and showing compassion for their experience, parents can understand their child's behavior better and respond more appropriately. This avoids many problems that arise with blending families.

"A parent's death and their living parent's new marriage can leave a child feeling threatened and unsafe. A child can't articulate, 'I'm devastated mum died. I feel scared. I'm jealous that my stepbrother has a mom. I feel rejected when you give him attention. Reassure me that I'm lovable and safe.'

"Instead, driven by fear, their amygdala (the brain's integrative center for emotions, emotional behavior, and motivation) hops into action, generating the fight, flight or freeze response. As distressed children's amygdala-driven behavior tends to be less than ideal, understanding is essential to prevent parents from overreacting and punishing the behavior," Rowett added.

"Focusing on connection, making time to be together, listening to their child's concerns, seeking to understand their behavioral communication and supporting them through change will ensure the relationship stays strong, even when there are conflicting commitments to a new spouse and their child/ren.

"To give themselves the best chance of nurturing a successful relationship, a parent must also work on their self-awareness. Figuring out how to stay calm, regulate their emotions and communicate effectively will improve their parenting skills and build a good relationship with their child," Rowett said.

"While his demands for his college fund appear unreasonable, this man's past painful experiences likely drive his current behavior. It is never too late for a parent to repair their relationship with their child or for an adult child to seek help to overcome childhood pain. I hope this man and his father can find the courage to do that."

More than 6,700 people commented, and it seems that there is a divide in opinion.

One Redditor wrote: "Dad only contacted OP when he was alone and getting divorced otherwise ignored him and seemed fine with NC (no contact). OP felt like it didn't matter when his dad married this woman and then icing on the cake. Take away his college fund which was half from OP's dead mother.

"It's like dad completely forgot about the life he had before his first wife died. That would have been so difficult for OP. People seem to forget OP's feelings here. He was a grieving child, who looked after his feelings."

"If they used your stepbrother's college fund to try to save your life, would you feel differently?" posted another user.

Newsweek reached out to u/ThrowRA532255 for comment. We could not verify the details of the case.