Man Refusing To Carry Wife's Purse Divides Opinions Online: 'Emasculating'

A man has divided opinions online after sharing how it makes him feel when his wife "insists" he carries her purse.

In a viral Reddit post, u/beepbopbeepbopbadoop explained he works from home and his wife, 30, works in the office two or three times per week. On the days when she commutes, he makes their coffees and walks her to the ferry which is nearby.

During the walk, the 32-year-old man is put into an "awkward situation" as she wants him to carry her purse which is too "heavy." However, he would rather not as he finds it undermining.

So far, the post has received 5,600 upvotes since it was shared on April 18 and the top comment has racked up over 20,000 upvotes.

Explaining his story, the husband said he would prefer not to carry her purse nor "have an argument first thing in the morning because I refused to carry her purse."

He wrote: "Maybe I am just stubborn, but to me, carrying my wife's purse, and then standing in line with all of the commuters waiting to board the ferry as I hold my wife's purse for her commute into work, is a bit emasculating and humiliating."

However, his wife thinks it would be a "nice gesture" and believes he should care "more about what she thinks than other people." She also says he should "be comfortable enough in my own skin" to avoid feeling like he does.

'She Is Testing Him'

Terri Cole, licensed psychotherapist and author of Boundary Boss, spoke to Newsweek about the popular post.

She said: "The vibe I got from the Reddit thread was a couple in a bit of a power struggle. Why is she 'insisting' that he walk her, stand in line with her, and wait for the ferry?

"It feels like she is testing him or asking him to prove his devotion with these actions. Not to mention—he could easily solve the 'problem' by bringing a backpack or reusable shopping bag to covertly carry her purse. But the fact that this is a 'problem' that made its way to Reddit and beyond—makes me think that the purse thing is more a symptom of the actual problems in this union as opposed to the whole shebang."

In the comments, many wives have stated their husband will "happily" carry their purses.

Cole said: "For some, it may mean that the partner is willing to give her help when she needs it. For others, it might mean that the partner does not feel threatened by holding a women's purse so he is secure in himself and his masculinity. For others, who do not subscribe to more traditional gender roles, it may simply mean that the partner is happy to do what they can to lighten her load."

In 2022, YouGov America discovered tone of voice or attitude is the top reason why American couples argue. The results also found that 15 percent of 1,000 U.S. adult citizens argue about life decisions and 11 percent argue about gestures of affection.

So far, almost 3,000 Reddit users have commented on the post and the majority has voted "everyone sucks."

The top comment, with over 20,000 upvotes, said: "ESH. Insisting is rather strong. If it's so heavy, I don't understand how she manages it for the rest of the day," this user also stated the man was being "a bit fragile."

Describing the bag, u/beepbopbeepbopbadoop commented: "The purse is big black purse. I know it's stupid but I just don't like carrying purses, so when she asks I'm like 'you're killing me' because she knows it bothers me, but at the same time I know the fact that it bothers me also bothers her so we have a conundrum haha."

Another person said: "Yeah. It's not great she is trying to force him but also not great he has that view. I have a bee purse that I love and my husband will carry it for me sometimes and rock it better than I do. But again if he says 'No' that's a complete sentence and I gotta respect that."

"I have yet to see a man using the word 'emasculating' who is not on the fragile side," said another.

Newsweek reached out to u/beepbopbeepbopbadoop for comment. We could not verify the details of the case.

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