Reason Dad Changed Mind on Funding Daughter's Education Cheered

A dad has accepted that he was wrong for refusing to pay for his daughter's college after paying for her brothers' schooling.

Thanking thousands of anonymous internet users, the 57-year-old father first took to Reddit to ask if he was "the a******" for refusing to pay for her daughter's education.

In his first post, u/Impressive-Mix-31 explained: "My daughter Jane—21—has recently been accepted into the university of her choice, now me and my wife are glad with this news, the only thing is that Jane got accepted to do an English degree."

Online, the subject of parents paying for their children to attend college comes up frequently. From dads refusing to pay to fund their child's education to paying for their child but not their stepchild, there is plenty of debate about the right way to do things.

Student loan debt in the U.S. is over $1.7 trillion, with about 92 percent of all student debt coming from federal loans. President Joe Biden plans to wipe a huge amount of student debt, delivering on a campaign promise that would cancel $10,000 in federal student loan debt for those making less than $125,000 or households with less than $250,000 in income per year.

Alex Mellor-Brook, co-founder of Internationally Certified Matchmaker and relationship coach at Select Personal Introductions, told Newsweek: "You are never going to be able to treat your children the same, as they are individuals with different needs, wants and styles of communication. This can make not favoring one child over another more difficult.

"The parent must always be aware not to let their own need for gratification influence how they present their feelings towards their children. Showing love, interest and compassion to all the children helps to create a stable and loving environment which can reduce the perception of their being a favorite child."

Unlike her two older brothers, Jane had taken some time off from education at 18: "She claimed that she was not ready and wanted to have a 'little rest', a little rest being going out with friends and travelling the whole of last year with her boyfriend," said the dad. "It should be noted that I supplied Jane with all the money needed for her little rest."

While he said that he and his wife did not begrudge their daughter for taking the break, before they allowed her to take the time out to travel, they made her promise that she would go to college and get a degree that was "worth it."

He explained: "Jane was going through a weird phase where she wanted to be many things that were more on the creative side. Fast forward a year later, we find out that Jane's gone behind our backs and applied for an English degree."

With both of her brothers having completed medical degrees, the difference in the eyes of the father was stark. When he learned this, the dad sat his daughter down to tell her he would not be paying.

"I sat down Jane last night and told her that if she decided to go through with the English degree, I would not support her at all and that she would have to take out her own student loan, at this she began crying claiming that I was the 'worst dad ever' and had always favored her brothers over her—now this is totally incorrect I did literally pay for her travel all of last year," said the dad.

In thousands of responses, the dad was dragged for his actions.

"Because she chose a degree you "disapprove" of, you are punishing her," said one reply, while another wrote: "I totally understand why she says you favor her brothers, this is clear proof of that."

A month later, the dad shared an update with the internet—and it appeared he had a change of tune.

"I would like to start by saying that I appreciate all the comments that were given however unpleasant they were," said u/Impressive-Mix-31. "They helped me understand that I was in the wrong and some provided me with advice on what I should do if I wanted to keep in contact with my daughter."

After reading the thousands of responses to his first post, the dad explained it had made him think.

"I realized that I was living too much in the past and wasn't taking into consideration how much things have changed in the last 30 years," he explained. "I hadn't talked to Jane about her degree until the last Thursday, when I brought the topic up she confessed to me that she was ready to take one of the degrees I had recommended to her. I told her there was no need to and she looked at me as if I was playing a cruel joke, I reassured her that I was being serious, and she began crying [due to happiness]."

He revealed that his daughter would be attending Oxford University in the U.K. later in the year for the degree of her choice, and that the father and daughter's relationship had never been better.

Reading the update, Redditors were thrilled that their online input had resulted in a positive ending for the family.

"This is what I love to see, a******* taking the judgment they've been given and deciding to change for the better rather than staying stubborn," said one Redditor. While another agreed: "Fantastic news!"

Newsweek reached out to u/Impressive-Mix-31 for comment. We were not able to verify the details of this case.

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