Pregnant Woman's Reason for Refusing To Attend Sister's Wedding Backed

A post about a woman refusing to leave her baby to attend her sister's child-free wedding has gone viral on Reddit, where it received at least 17,700 upvotes.

In a post shared on Reddit's Am I The A****** (AITA) subforum, user ComfortableLimit3227 said she's pregnant and would have a 5-month-old baby by the time of the wedding. When she asked her sister ("let's say her name's Lisa," the user said) whether she can bring her baby to the wedding, she said "no."

The poster said: "I accepted that and told her I won't be able to attend. I don't feel comfortable leaving my young kid with a sitter and my family would be at the wedding.

"Lisa's pretty p***ed off and said I'm trying to act holier-than-thou and punishing her for having a child-free wedding."

A survey of 2,223 couples who held weddings between March 2020 and December 2022, conducted by the wedding planning website Zola, found that COVID-19 changed the way people are planning their weddings and the number one priority among couples was to "have most (but not all) friends & family in attendance."

In a January 2013 article for Psychology Today, Seth Meyers, a licensed clinical psychologist, said: "Most conflicts that arise within the wedding process occur between family...family fights, of course, can get dirty, with name-calling, cursing, and storming out of the room par for the course.

"When things go wrong and the family starts fighting, it often has to do with one's status within the family: Who is most loved and appreciated? The dynamics that start fights at weddings are old, as petty arguments expressed during the wedding process mask resentments that have been snowballing for years."

The user in the latest post said her sister wants her at the wedding to give a speech as the sister of the bride. When she said she can't attend if she can't bring her baby, Lisa suggested her friends know many "trusted sitters" and offered to share their details, but the poster refused the offer.

"Mom said she could stay home with the baby while I attend a part of the ceremony, and then she'll come (and I'll go home) but Lisa wants our parents to be there the whole time," the poster said.

Speaking to Newsweek, Anna Braff, the founder of Provenance Rentals, a Los Angeles-based boutique events company that's organized hundreds of weddings, said in the case of the latest Reddit post, "both women will be woefully sorry that the young mother-to-be will miss the wedding" and the bride-to-be does not seem to be making any compromises or concessions.

The poster should not "have to choose between paying a sitter—who she may not feel comfortable with or know yet, nor does she know if she will be breastfeeding—and leave her infant at home.

"In a case like this, though both have valid points, the sister should be allowed to have her baby. The baby is also going to be Lisa's niece or nephew. She can keep the wedding child-free with the one exception for her sister," Braff said.

If the poster's attendance as well as her giving a speech is "that important," the bride-to-be needs to provide support for her sister.

"Lisa will find having her sister there is more important than imposing a strict rule for her sister," Braff said, and with "so many wonderful things to celebrate...the baby attending will not matter in the grand scheme of things."

Braff added: "The bottom line is they need to open up communication, respect each other's points-of-view, but come to an understanding of love and support so that the wedding will not be a point of contention in the future and an event of regret on both sides."

Several users on Reddit shared support for the original poster.

In a comment that got 32,700 upvotes, user Infamous_Control_778 said the poster is "NTA [not the a******]," adding: "People are allowed to have child-free weddings, they are not allowed to be offended when people don't come. Honest, I would always have chosen my kids."

In a comment that got 3,300 upvotes, user Conscious-Sentence80 agreed, stating: "If you have family members with young kids and you choose a child free wedding, unfortunately the people who are then most likely unable are your own family. Why? Because all their usual babysitters (grandparents, aunties, siblings) are probably also going to the wedding..."

In a comment that got 1,900 upvotes, user NidoKingClefairy noted: "And your child is a 5-month old, not an 8-year-old who could be babysat very easily."

Newsweek has contacted the original poster for comment.

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