Pregnant Woman Who Turned Off Husband's Work Alarm Backed: 'Never Wakes Up'

A post about an "exhausted" pregnant mother who is "tired of" being disrupted by her husband's alarm schedule for work has gone viral on Reddit.

In a post shared on Reddit's Am I The A****** (AITA) subforum under the username Ambitious_Thing_440, the mom said both she and her husband work from home. Her husband starts work at 8.30 a.m. and sets his alarm for 7 a.m. every day but "never wakes up." So his wife ends up hitting the snooze button herself every 15 minutes, as the alarm wakes her up.

One morning, the user told her him that she must have "accidentally hit" the off button, instead of snooze, on the alarm, which saw her husband be late for work. He was still sleeping at nearly 10 a.m.

The mom said: "I am currently 6 months pregnant so this morning I was exhausted and didn't want our toddler waking up earlier than needed and wanted the extra sleep myself, so I turned it [the alarm] off."

When the user woke her husband up and asked: "You're still asleep? It's almost 10," he replied "no effin way!" before running to his laptop. "He told me to stop turning his alarm off, and basically don't touch it unless I hit snooze," the user said.

She said: "Yes I technically lied to today [to] him about his alarm but I am literally tired of this...and I did make sure to wake him up on time. Or so I thought. AITA?"

A July 2022 study in Ethiopia, published in the Sleep Science and Practice journal, found that sleep disturbances "can result in emotional and psychological consequences for pregnant women, and it could lead to some serious complications for both mothers and their babies."

Factors such as depression, anxiety, poor sleep hygiene, first-time pregnancy, unplanned pregnancy and late gestational (the period of embryo development) age were found to be associated with poor sleep quality, the study said.

A July 2020 study of over 7,000 pregnant women in Poland, published in the peer-reviewed International Journal of Environmental Research and Public Health, found that 77 percent of women suffer from sleep disorders. "The occurrence of those problems increased during pregnancy, with the highest incidence in the third trimester."

The study stated that physical, psychological and hormonal changes make pregnant women more prone to suffer from sleep disturbances.

The most common sleep-related disorders during pregnancy include insomnia, restless legs syndrome (an overwhelming urge to move your legs), obstructive sleep apnea (when you stop breathing during sleep) and night-time gastroesophageal reflux disease (when acid from the stomach leaks up into the esophagus).

According to a Johns Hopkins Medicine article reviewed by Dr. Grace Pien, an assistant professor of medicine at the Johns Hopkins Sleep Disorders Center, research shows that pregnant women who don't get enough sleep may face a higher risk of developing complications during the pregnancy, such as the following:

• Pre-eclampsia (a blood pressure condition)
• Gestational diabetes
• Longer labors and higher rates of cesarean section, especially for women who get less than six hours of sleep over 24 hours.

The mother in the latest Reddit post said her husband doesn't want to be up until "8.15 a.m. at the earliest" and doesn't wake up to his alarm.

The user said: "But the rest of us hear it [his alarm], so my toddler and I usually wake up about 45 mins earlier than we need to as a result. I've asked him to stop setting it so early and he said he needs the whole hour of snoozing to wake up. So he's been on the couch lately, but I still wake up to it from there and have to snooze it every 15 mins.

"He goes to sleep almost every night around 2 am so he's not gonna wake up to a 7 am alarm 9/10 times. Instead, I always wake up to it and have the task of hitting snooze every 15 mins anyway," the user explained.

Managing Conflicting Sleep Patterns

Michelle Shivers, a licensed family and marriage therapist, professional counselor and dating/relationship expert, told Newsweek that couples generally have the same sleep pattern, "which is essential for a healthy relationship" and those who "share the same sleep schedule have a higher satisfaction ratio."

However, the couple "must have an open discussion" if they must follow different sleep schedules for whatever reason.

Shivers said in the case of the late viral Reddit post, "The wife is right. She is pregnant and needs extra sleep. She is working and has a child. Her sleep is essential for sleep satisfaction, and her husband must help her."

Understand Your Sleep Schedules

Shivers said couples should unpack why they have different sleep schedules. "Where was her husband spending more time? Are they able to sleep and wake up at the same time?" The therapist said the original poster should explain to her partner that "she needs rest and that he should sleep when she is going to sleep."

Try Another Gadget to Be Woken Up 'Softly'

Shivers said the husband can try using a "vibrating wearable" device as his alarm to wake himself up. "This can help him stay alert and will not affect the wife and toddler's sleep. You can also choose a device that can wake up with lights," she said.

Ask a Child to Wake Him Up

The therapist said if it's difficult to wake the husband up in the morning, the user should "ask her child [to do it] or simply place the child on him. The child continuously tries to wake him up. In this case, either he will stop using the alarm that wakes up the child or take care of your toddler," Shivers said.

Several Reddit users shared support for the original poster in the latest viral post.

In a post that got 11,100 upvotes, user annrkea said: "Stop waking him up. Stop waking him up this minute. This is not your job. There are 50 different devices he could use to wake himself up. Or he could just grow the f*** up and do it himself. I repeat: this is not your job and it is not your responsibility. He needs to manage his own business without disturbing his family. He needs to be an adult and a father. NTA [not the a******] but you will be if you enable this anymore."

In a reply to the above comment, Portie_lover noted: "This makes sense in theory, but in practice, it leaves OP [original poster] and the child still getting woken up by the alarm before he intends to wake up," in a comment that got 4,300 upvotes.

User slayingadah said: "Yeah my husband was a chronic snooze pusher too, but he's also a decent man, so when I told him that as soon as the alarm goes off, I'm up no matter what and can't go back to sleep, he stopped [f******] doing it. OP's husband is a tool and should grow tf [the f***] up and go to bed earlier, like an adult [with] a wife and child," in a comment that got 3,600 upvotes.

User wordsmythy said: "He's not a frat boy [member of a fraternity in college]. He's an [f******] husband and father. Sad that he doesn't seem to care that his exhausted, pregnant wife has to deal with a wide-awake toddler 45 minutes early thanks to him acting like a 14-year-old. Note that they both work, but no mention of dad dealing with the toddler in the a.m. Too busy gaming til 2:00 am I'll wager. NTA [not the a******]."

Newsweek has contacted the original poster for comment.