Mom Dragged for Berating Friend Who Refused To Help With School Fair

A mother who is upset that her friend allegedly "refused" to help organize a fair for the school that their children attend has received a storm of backlash from users on Mumsnet.

In a post shared on Mumsnet's Am I Being Unreasonable (AIBU) forum under the username Neverenoughchocolates, the mother said there were not enough helpers to organize the summer fair at the school, adding that "the handful of us on the pta [Parent Teacher Association] were all running ourselves ragged."

The mom said her friend "literally volunteers for everything" and both she and her husband "do loads" for their town and help out with several groups and charities locally.

However, this friend allegedly "point blank refused to contribute" to the school fair, according to the original poster, who said the friend walked around the fair with one of her children for 45 minutes before she "just left."

The poster claimed: "She knew we were struggling. She's said before she won't join the pta as she feels she does enough, fair enough. But I was organizing this and thought they could at least manage a few hours for me.

"Our other friends are divided, some have changed their opinion of her and think its shocking she didn't help. Others think [it's] her choice and she showed support by turning up. I'm just really upset that she couldn't step up for me. Aibu?," the user said.

A May 2022 study published by California State University, Monterey Bay noted: "Parent volunteering is an essential issue for schools because parent involvement is essential for student success."

The study said "parental involvement has positively affected a student's academic performance" and "increased participation by parents scaffolds the school culture to increase a child's motivation to do well at school."

A September 2019 review of the current available evidence of links between family and volunteering in the U.K., which was conducted by Joanna Stuart, a National Council for Voluntary Organisations (NCVO) Research Associate and Visiting Research Fellow at Nottingham Trent University in the U.K., said: "Having young and pre-school children has particularly been highlighted in the research as a time when volunteering involvement dips as time and energy is taken up with looking after children."

Several users criticized the mother in the latest Mumsnet post who was upset by her friend's alleged refusal to help organize the school fair. Several said the original poster was being "unfair" and "unreasonable," and praised the friend for being able to set boundaries.

JustLyra commented: "She's [the friend] been very clear she's not joining the PTA so you're being very unfair thinking just because she's your friend she should have helped. She's no more let you down than all the other parents who didn't help."

User Itswaytoohot said: "You are being so unreasonable," explaining that: "Your friend has made it quite clear that she doesn't want to volunteer for the PTA and feels that she has got enough going on. She's made that crystal clear.

"I never understand why some people volunteer for things, then moan and complain that other people won't help and that they're run ragged with too much to do. It's being a martyr," Itswaytoohot added.

FionnulaTheCooler agreed that the user was being unreasonable, saying: "She's allowed to choose how she spends her spare time and it does sound like she already has a lot on. Good for her for having the ability to not be a doormat and say no when something is too much of an ask for her."

Several condemned the original poster for talking about the friend behind her back.

MoonShadowMoonShadow noted: "Wow. You're no friend to her at all. She does other stuff voluntarily and you're sagging her off? Nasty."

Glitterspy said the friend has "drawn a perfectly reasonable boundary and explained her rationale. From the sounds of it you have not only been offended by her perfectly reasonable behavior but have gone around b****ing to everyone else about it and gathering opinions to take sides against her. With friends like you, who needs bitchy playground mums/ enemies?"

Unanananana described the situation as "typical cliquey PTA nastiness," which entails "Organizing stuff off your own backs then b****ing when others don't help..."

The user added: "She has set a healthy and sensible boundary. She said she wouldn't join, so you can't complain when she doesn't help. If you've taken on too much, scale it back or look to the other PTA members to help. Some friends she has."