Mother-in-Law Refusing Bride's One Wedding Request Cheered: 'A Strong No'

A woman has received a flurry of supportive comments online, after she shared why she has decided to back down from fulfilling her future daughter-in-law's one wedding request.

The woman, known as u/Elegant_Throat_8297 on Reddit, recently took to the platform to spark a conversation about her dilemma, which has gone on to strike a chord with thousands online and amass over 8,200 upvotes.

The woman, whose son is set to marry this summer, has found herself at the center of a family controversy involving a wedding cookie table—a task traditionally handled by the bride's family.

The post said that the bride, referred to only as Wendy, is not close to her own mother due to several undisclosed reasons. She has been pressing the poster to step into this maternal role in her biological mother's place.

Wendy's requests included making over 1,000 cookies from scratch for the wedding, a significant undertaking that the poster declined. This refusal led to a heated response from her son, who accused his mother of being unsupportive, citing the bride's disappointment and tears over the decision.

"[Wendy] is not close to her own mother for multiple reasons and is pushing hard to have me fill in the gap. I am not comfortable with it at all especially with how hard she is pushing. She has multiple times overstepped boundaries such as inviting herself along, discussing very personal issues," the woman wrote.

"Due to these issues, we are not close and my own daughters are not a huge fan of her. She asked me this week if I would make the cookie table for the wedding. It is something the bride's own mother would do with other female relatives. I asked my daughters if they wanted to do it and it was a strong no.

"I informed her that I can not do it, it is way to much work and I don't have the time. She told me okay and I thought that was it. My son called me up and told me I am a huge jerk. That Wendy has been crying about it and I should step up. I am still refusing to do it," the woman continued.

Experts say this scenario is not uncommon in the dynamics of blended families, especially as weddings have a way of heightening emotions and expectations.

Lynnette Price, the founder and CEO of MoodWellth, and a mental-health and relationship coach, told Newsweek her thoughts about the situation, suggesting empathy and open dialogue as potential solutions.

"While it's important to maintain your boundaries, it's also worth considering Wendy's perspective," Price said.

She recommended an honest conversation about concerns and boundaries, possibly leading to new, mutually agreeable traditions that could forge a closer bond between the families.

"Approaching the situation with empathy and understanding could help bridge the gap," Price said. "You could try having an open and honest conversation with Wendy about your concerns and boundaries, while also expressing your desire to support her in ways that feel comfortable for you.

"This might involve finding alternative ways to show your support and inclusion in the wedding festivities, without taking on tasks that feel overwhelming or intrusive to you," she added.

Other Reddit users have largely supported the mother's decision to set boundaries. Commenters highlighted the unfeasibility and unfairness of expecting one person to manage such a labor-intensive tradition alone.

"The tradition is that it's a group effort, with everyone bringing their favorite or 'signature' cookie. One person just buying a bunch of cookies at Safeway is not the same thing at all," one user commented.

Another added: "This sounds like a bride who wants the family she's marrying into to make up for the family she didn't have before."

Price also noted the importance of creating new traditions that do not overburden any one family member, but allow each individual to contribute in ways that are comfortable and meaningful to them.

"Creating new traditions together could be a meaningful way for you and Wendy to forge a connection that is unique to your relationship, rather than trying to replicate something she wishes she had with her own mother," Price said.

Newsweek reached out to u/Elegant_Throat_8297 for more information via Reddit.

Has a wedding come between your relationship with a loved one? Let us know via life@newsweek.com. We can ask experts for advice, and your story could be featured on Newsweek.