I'm a Mormon on OnlyFans

I've been attending church since I was a child. I took a break in early adulthood but as my kids started to get a little bit older, I began attending again.

My dad's parents were Catholic, and my mom's side of the family was Baptist. I haven't spent a lot of time at other churches because it didn't feel like something I was comfortable with.

I liked the way the service was conducted at my Mormon church; I liked the family feel. I liked that it was more than just Sunday service—it was a lifestyle and helpful for my children.

When my husband passed away in 2017, the church was very involved in my life. If there's something going on, they want to know, and do everything they can to help.

Members of the church were taking my kids to activities. They paid for, and put together my late husband's entire funeral which was very grand and beautiful. They brought meals to my house, sometimes daily, leading up to his passing and after his passing for a couple of months.

I'm grateful for that. I think that people from the outside looking in may think that it's strange, and may ask: "Why are they so involved in everyone's daily life?"

But when you're in it and you're a member, you don't really question it, because it starts when you're a child. You know that that's just how the church functions.

I'm ambitious, but not in the traditional career sense. I hated going to work. I wanted to make money and be successful, but I just didn't fit into that nine-to-five box. I did make a good salary recruiting nurses, but I wasn't happy. It felt like imprisonment.

Growing up, I always wanted to model. But I got married and had children at a young age, so pursuing any sort of modeling didn't work for me.

After my husband had passed away, I really wanted out of the traditional way of working. One day, in 2021, I was sitting at home reading the news. That's when I read about a mom who is a top OnlyFans creator.

Her kids were expelled from their Catholic school due to her role as an adult content creator. After reading about how much money she made, I immediately Googled what OnlyFans was; I had never heard of it before.

A light bulb went off in my head. It was one of those life-changing moments. I hadn't used social media before this, except for Facebook occasionally, for family. I didn't know how to grow a social media following, but I wanted to do this.

So, I began taking notes and doing a lot of research. It took me a couple of months to launch my social media. But within a month of launching, I was making enough money to be able to quit my job.

At the beginning of 2023, Someone within the church at another location recognized me from a podcast that I did on adult content creation. This person sent it to my bishop, asking: "Isn't this person from your ward?"

I woke up at 5:00 a.m. in the morning to a text from my bishop. My stomach dropped. He asked if I could come to his office that evening, but I said that I was busy. He then invited himself to my house the following day.

Looking back, I ask myself why I didn't say no, or "this is not your business, I'm an adult" but I had been answering to the church my whole life.

He came to my house and confronted me. I didn't lie to him. There was a lot of smiling and nodding that I did because I wanted him to leave as soon as possible. But some of the questions that he asked, and things that he said, shocked me. He told me that I had to make a decision as to whether or not I was going to be a member of the church or if I was going to continue creating adult content.

I think that he assumed that I was a porn star, having sex with multiple partners. I remember thinking: He doesn't understand what I do. From what I gathered, he assumed that it was more than just images and nude content; he probably thought I was a prostitute or a porn star.

I told him that I planned on continuing to attend because I liked my church. But he took that as me saying that I was going to stop creating adult content. A few weeks later, he texted me, asking for a follow-up conversation. I ignored the text and started showing up right as the church service was starting.

I was also asked at that time not to partake in the sacrament, which was awkward because nobody skips it, so it's noticeable if you're not, because it's completely silent in the room. I remember my daughter asking me why I didn't take it, and me saying that I didn't feel well.

I avoided my bishop for several months but he tried very hard to contact me and even tried to corner me in the parking spot a few times. At the time, I was moving areas so I told him that I was busy.

Shortly after, I received a letter of excommunication from the church. I was told that I had a meeting to discuss my membership. I decided not to attend because if I showed up, it was going to be a losing battle. I would be trying to explain something to them that they'd never understand, and I didn't want to add more fuel to the fire.

Although the letter didn't explicitly say that I had to leave the church, I felt that they made it so uncomfortable for me to stay, to the point where I thought: Why would I want to stay if I can't partake in anything?

Currently, I've moved with my kids and I'm trying to get them settled into school across the country. I'm trying to decide what my next move is going to be. I may challenge the church's decision to excommunicate me, which I'm really considering.

I'm trying to weigh everything out. I don't want to embarrass my kids. They are asking me when they'd be able to meet new people. They do have some friends at school, but they like attending church, that's all they know.

If I take them to another local Baptist Church or nondenominational Church, it's a different message. Christianity is Christianity and there are similarities, but it is still different.

I would like to just come back into my Mormon church, but as I said, I don't want to drag them into this mess.

I often think, if I were a man caught watching porn, would I receive the same consequences and be excommunicated from the church? I'm not just a content creator, I'm a mother.

Holly Jane is a content creator and OnlyFans model.

All views expressed in this article are the author's own.

As told to Newsweek's associate editor, Carine Harb.

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