The Moms Who Are Proudly 'One and Done'

The decision to become parents is often met with joy and excitement from friends, family and even strangers. But what about when the desire to grow a family stops there?

Despite recent studies documenting the mental health benefits among only-children households, for both the mother and the child themselves, having just one kid by choice remains controversial.

Newsweek spoke to three moms about their experience of being confidently "one and done" and the constant criticism they face.

'I Couldn't Handle Another Child'

Skylar knew she wanted to be a mom since she was 15, but, unlike many women, she was determined to do it on her own.

"As a product of divorce, I didn't want to put my child through what I went through – so for the longest time, I said I would get a sperm donor," she told Newsweek.

Because of this unconventional route to motherhood, Skylar, who doesn't wish to share her surname, knew before conceiving that she was going to be a 'one and done' mom.

The lash technician, who lives in Long Island, New York, told Newsweek exactly why her daughter Shy Storm, 1, will grow up as an only child.

"I was 10 when my parents spit up and I was constantly back and forth between both parent's houses—I was in the middle and I hated it.

"The chances of that happening to my child is high as most people don't stay together," she said.

By 18 years old, Skylar's mind was made up and she was determined to be a single mom by choice. Now, over 10 years later, she has turned her dream into reality and has no regrets.

She told Newsweek: "I have been working my whole life for her, all my money has always been saved so I can do this.

"My situation is unique, and because I am doing it on my own, I couldn't handle another child.

"I don't think it would be fair to bring another one into the world. I wouldn't be able to give all of my time, love, money, and attention to her.

"Some people may call it selfish but I disagree because how can it be when all I want to do is give my daughter everything."

In September 2022, Skylar shared her reasons on TikTok (@skylarsworld_) and her clip amassed 88,200 views.

One user said: "I'm pregnant with my second and just want to say I love and support this message! We shouldn't have to justify numbers."

Another wrote: "The best thing I could have ever done for my kids was give them each other."

'I Am Fulfilled'

Vanessa Krombeen, 33, and her husband Shane Dyer, 36, have been forced to hire a nanny as they struggle with childcare.

Krombeen, who lives in Charlotte, North Carolina, doesn't know if her 3-year-old son Liam will ever experience nursery as he is still on a waiting list.

With no family nearby, the couple said it would be too expensive to have another child.

The podcast host and content creator told Newsweek: "We had a nanny because that was the only route we could go down.

"It's double the price of daycare, we were forced into it because we don't have family in the state, so it was our option.

"It's tough financially trying to juggle the cost that is associated with a child."

According to Care.com, the monthly cost of a Charlotte-based nanny is approximately $2,497 for 130 hours of work.

Their nanny brings her children who are the same age as Liam to work so he can socialize with them.

Krombeen's husband is a director of national accounts who frequently works away from home, leaving her to balance mom life with her lifestyle podcast, 'The Cheeky Been'.

"I am big on mental health and I find myself struggling being a parent alone when my husband is working out of town. I don't think I could do it with a toddler and a baby.

"I am fulfilled by my experience so far, but adding another child to my plate would hinder me mentally," said Krombeen, who is often asked when she is going to have another baby.

"People find it strange when you say you only want one," she said. "The judgment mainly comes from strangers online who say that it's selfish to not give your child a built-in best friend."

Krombeen has also touched on being 'one and done' on TikTok and racked up over 15,000 views. During the clip, she can be seen sitting at a dining table in a restaurant with a cocktail in her hand.

An excerpt of the text says: "I have a little boy who I absolutely adore. I'm okay with only having one child and people think that's weird."

She has been inundated with support in the comments, one user wrote: "So many of us in this generation are one and done, it's so reassuring! I love these things too!!!"

"I'm ok with 3 and people still want me to have more like no I'm ok!! Lol proud of you one child is more than enough," praised another user.

'I Wanted 4 Kids Until I Battled Postpartum Depression'

According to CDC research, one in every eight women suffers from postpartum depression.

Arianna Cole, 22, is all too familiar with this statistic, as she began to experience mental health issues when her son was about 8 weeks old.

Cole, from the Columbus area, Ohio, told Newsweek that she and her husband Cheyenne Raymond, 23, dreamed of having four children before Octavos, now 2, was born.

"I struggled to take care of myself, never mind my son.

"I woke up every day and felt hopeless. it was like I had nothing left – I didn't have any energy and I was so depressed and so down.

"For about six months, I was just trying to survive," she told Newsweek.

The social media influencer, who uses the handle @arianna.cole7, shared her reasons on TikTok, where the clip racked up over 27,000 views and more than 2,100 likes.

She starts by stating she "hates pregnancy and child birth," and refers to her battle as the "most miserable time" of her life.

She adds: "I don't want to sacrifice my sleep or body again."

One user said: "All very valid reasons!"

Another wrote: "Me personally: 1 & done? Lame! Hell no."

Cole told Newsweek that her husband was "extremely present and attentive" during her darkest days.

"Chayenne is also one and done as he doesn't want to see me go through that again," she said. "I am forever grateful for him for taking care of us."

After experiencing the lows of parenthood, Cole wants to devote all of her time and energy to Octavos.

She explained: "Tons of people say he needs a sibling like he won't survive without a sibling and like I am doing wrong for not providing him a 'best friend'—but there's no guarantee they are going to be best friends.

"I want people to understand that you can have a happy family with just two parents and a child—that is happiness for some people.

"I have had family and friends make comments saying I will change my mind and that he needs a sibling, along with a lot of backlash on social media.

"It makes me want to prove them wrong and show them how happy I am with my one child, I want to show people that you can be fulfilled with one child."

Does Being An Only Child Affect Children's Development?

The three mothers told Newsweek they don't worry about their kids getting enough socialization as they get that through spending time with friends, family, or other kids at the local park.

It would seem they are right, as studies have found that being an only child isn't a cause for developmental concern.

Martha Deiros Collado, a clinical psychologist and author of parenting guide How To Be The Grown Up, told Newsweek: "If you're the parent of an only child, you may have worries about how growing up without siblings may affect your child's development or social skills. But research has found that 'only children' are not different from children with siblings when it comes to sociability, among other things.

"Several studies have found that 'only children's' social skills are no different to those children who have siblings by the time they reach reception school age and the parental relationship and family socioeconomic status has a greater influence on 'only children's' cognitive development by age 11 than whether they have brothers and sisters.

"Most findings point to the fact that it is the financial and emotional resources that children have available to them that matter more in determining outcomes of sociability and academic skills development than whether or not they grow up with a sibling."

Indeed, the three moms have a greater sense of financial security—or at least less money worries compared to having multiple children. They all told Newsweek that life is expensive enough with one child.

Cole said it means they can "go on more trips" and have "lots more opportunities" together as a family of three. Skylar explained that she intends to pay for extracurricular activities for Shy and she doesn't believe it would be feasible to support two kids.

All three women hope their stories help others understand why some people decide against more children. Krombeen hopes people will think twice before questioning or branding someone as "selfish."

She told Newsweek: "You know yourself best and remind yourself that you are the best judge of character yourself—what people say about you is a reflection of them, not you."

If you have a personal dilemma, let us know via life@newsweek.com. We can ask experts for advice on relationships, family, friends, money and work and your story could be featured on Newsweek's "What Should I Do? section.