Mom Refusing To Spend $355 on Friend's Lavish Birthday Backed: 'Not Coming'

A mom has been urged to "just say no" to an expensive trip for her friend's birthday after she shared her stress about the cost online.

On popular London-based discussion site Mumsnet, user simonsay shared her dilemma with hundreds of others.

She explained: "I'm considering declining a weekend away for my friend's 30th birthday surprise. I can't sleep thinking about this, so I need it off my chest."

With each friend's birthday celebration getting bigger and bigger, the stress of the mounting costs had started to trouble the Mumsnet user.

The weekend was looking to cost upwards of $350 per person and was far away from where the woman lived, causing more stress.

"They want to go away for 2 nights now because the location they have chosen is so far away, but the days they want to go are difficult for me with childcare as my husband works full time and evenings. I will need to pay for a extra day of nursery," she explained.

Alongside this, the birthday girl was not set to pay for most of her trip so the others would be contributing to pay for her: "Activities, meals etc. always end up costing a fortune as they are never satisfied with doing one thing," said the poster. "I've said I can't afford a lot because my life has changed now, I work part time, I have a young toddler and all our bills are increasing. They insist they want me there but aren't taking into account my financial situation.

"I think by the time all is done, this will cost me about £300 ($355) possibly more.
I would rather put that £300 ($355) towards a small family holiday with my husband and child," she wrote.

Florence Ann Romano, author of the upcoming book Build Your Village: A Guide to Finding Joy and Community in Every Stage of Life told Newsweek: "I believe social media and reality tv has influenced how extravagant our personal celebrations have become in our inner circles and personal lives. It has become a runaway train of expense, over the top moments, and unrealistic expectations because we are constantly comparing ourselves to what we see on these platforms.

"Friend groups, in most cases, come with an array of socioeconomic circumstances. This gal [...] has been fully forthcoming about her struggle to contribute; and even offered alternate scenarios for her to be able to honor her friend and participate," she added. "Simply said, that should be more than enough to satiate her friends; and the fact that they are still pushing her makes me question the authenticity and compassionate nature of this particular friend group."

The stressed woman explained how she felt that she was "ruining their weekend" because she could not afford to contribute the same as everyone else.

"Should I even need to explain my personal financial situation in such detail to people over a glorified birthday party? It's actually quite humiliating," she said. "Is it unreasonable to just say 'look gals, I'm not coming.'"

In hundreds of replies on the Mumsnet post users rushed to urge the woman not to plunge herself into financial hardship for the weekend away.

"Just say no. If they don't go because you're not going, then that's on them. Not your fault," said one reply. Another wrote: "Just say as much as I would love to come, I simply can't afford it."

Another added that "good friends would understand," while one Mumsnet user wrote: "Just decline. Believe me, you'll feel such relief."

Romano agreed with the majority and added: "You owe no one an explanation for your financial circumstances unless you feel comfortable sharing. What you do owe them is a prompt and proper response regarding the event; you can celebrate the moment of your friend in your own way—privately or with a smaller cohort of like-minded individuals. That doesn't require explanation either to anyone other than the person you are celebrating."

Newsweek was not able to verify the details of the case.

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