Millennial Mom Struggling to Gentle-Parent Asks Internet: 'How Did I Do?'

Most of us turn to social media for a variety of reasons; whether it's advice on the latest fashion trends, beauty hacks, or even for new cooking recipes. But one mom-of-two recently took to TikTok to get parenting advice, and to ask other parents for feedback on how she is doing.

Since welcoming her first daughter in 2021, Hollie King knew that gentle parenting was right for her family, and she has been consistent with it ever since. She told Newsweek that this involves "keeping calm" and almost treating her 2-year-old like a young adult, but it's certainly not without its difficulties.

King, 27, recently captured a video of the moment her toddler went to show her newborn sister some affection but ended up biting her toe instead. It was completely unexpected, but King, from Essex, in the United Kingdom, kept her cool and encouraged her daughter to apologize.

"Of course I was shocked, no one prepares you for the moment one of your children hurts the other," King said. "It was an overwhelming sense of protection to one, but also confusion. I was three weeks postpartum, and my body had been through a lot, but I stayed calm. I am so proud to have stayed calm in that situation.

"I was in total shock, and I needed to make sure she was OK as it wasn't normal for her. I made sure she understands we don't do that, and she said sorry. I wanted her to mean it, but from the expression on her face, it was clear she knew she shouldn't have done that," King added.

What Is Gentle Parenting?

No one ever said parenting is easy; if they did, they would be greeted with an almighty furor from sleep-deprived parents. There is a variety of different parenting styles to work with, including authoritarian, authoritative, permission, and uninvolved, but gentle parenting focuses on improving a child's self-awareness and understanding their behavior.

The Cleveland Clinic says the gentle approach exhibits empathy and respect for how a child is feeling, and it allows them to hold themselves accountable. It can be challenging to unlearn a lot of previous behavior, and to remain calm and consistent throughout, but gentle parenting can be a great motivational tool.

Child psychologist Dr. Martha Deiros Collado previously told Newsweek that gentle parenting avoids using fear tactics or punishment on children, but it's "not the same thing as being a permissive parent."

Collado said: "The most-effective parenting style is one where children are met with love, empathy and respect alongside firm boundaries that keep them and others safe. When children are brought up this way, their brain gets wired for resilience, and they develop healthy emotional regulation."

Rather than punishing children and instilling them with fear, Collado believes that gentle parenting helps children develop skills better, as well as teaching them respect and empathy.

How Did Social Media Respond?

Despite being proud of how she dealt with a "very raw moment," King wanted to share the footage on TikTok (@hollieannking) to find out what other parents thought of how she handled the situation. The post has generated plenty of interest, with over 5.9 million views and more than 262,400 likes on TikTok.

Alongside the clip, King wrote: "Attempting to gentle parent, how did I do? I'm not perfect but learning each day."

Initially, King received a lot of praise from other parents who know how difficult it can be to remain calm. However, as the video went viral, she started to receive negative backlash.

King said: "I could have handled it differently, but I acted on impulse. If I could turn back time, I'd have set a consequence, taken my youngest away from the situation, made sure she was OK and then gone back to the bed. I'd have told my toddler that we don't bite and asked what we could say to make her sister feel better.

"At first, the reaction was super positive, but as it grew, I started to receive a lot of hate." King added. "Some of the comments were awful. It just proves how unkind some people can be, as some people judged her whole character on a 51-second clip, which shocked me."

Regardless of how challenging gentle parenting can be at times, King remains proud of herself and her daughters, and she won't let any social-media criticism get in her way. "All parenting is hard, but for me, this works, and I've seen the results. You need the patience of a saint, but it's totally worth it," she told Newsweek.

The mixed response online has led to more than 10,300 comments on the TikTok post already. One comment reads: "I'd love to hear from people who have actually raised kids the gentle way, and how it works out."

Another TikTok user wrote: "Short, sweet, clear language, 'Biting hurts.' Then limit attention. Talk about biting later. Good job staying so calm!"

Others weren't as supportive, as one person responded: "Soft/gentle parenting just leads to kids overrunning and ruling the house. Absolutely would be straight off that bed and sent to her room for biting."

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