Meghan Says She Projected 'All of My Judgment and Envy' Onto Paris Hilton

Meghan Markle revealed that she felt "judgment" and "envy" toward Paris Hilton when she was young because she was always the "smart one" and not the "pretty one."

Markle was speaking on the latest episode of her hit podcast Archetypes, whose sixth installment, "Breaking Down the Bimbo," came out Tuesday. To discuss the subject, the Duchess of Sussex invited reality TV star Paris Hilton to share her experiences with the term bimbo.

After a heartfelt discussion about the "cartoon" that Hilton felt she had to portray for the media, as well as her experiences of abuse she says she suffered at a boarding school, the duchess summed up the episode by revealing her regrets for having a preconceived judgment of Hilton.

In a separate section of the episode, where the royal spoke just to the audience, she said: "You heard me at the beginning of this episode talk about how I was nervous for this one. Nervous because, while I'm embarrassed to admit it, I had a judgment about Paris and I don't like having judgment. Doesn't feel good."

She continued: "But I had to be real about that because when I grew up she was beautiful, rich and famous. What could possibly be wrong with her life? I would think.

"And because my entire sense of self-confidence was wrapped up in being the smart one and not the pretty one, I found the way to project all of my judgment and envy onto her. Envy can be a very dangerous thing, as can judgment," Markle said. "I was ashamed to admit that I harbored either of those feelings."

She later told her listeners, "I'm sorry for having judged her. I didn't know her."

Markle also revealed in the podcast episode her feelings about not being the "pretty one" during her childhood.

Speaking to comedian Iliza Shlesinger, she said that she felt her "equity" in childhood was in being the "smart one" and that "no one cared if I came to the party."

This related to an earlier story told by Markle, who spoke publicly for the first time since marrying Prince Harry in 2018 about her time as a "briefcase girl" on the game show Deal or No Deal. She appeared on the show from 2006 to 2007 while she was pursuing acting roles.

"The other night I was flipping through the channels on TV.... I saw an episode of a game show called Deal or No Deal," she said at the top of the podcast. "This brought back a lot of memories."

The royal went on to discuss the difference between her job on the show, which focused on the way she looked (she had grown out of her childhood insecurities), and her time spent at the U.S. Embassy in Argentina as an intern, which focused on her abilities.

"Here, I was being valued for something quite the opposite," she said about the game show.

While she conceded that she was more than grateful for having the TV job, which allowed her to pay her bills and audition for bigger acting roles, she said the purely looks-based demands of the role made her uncomfortable.

"I didn't like feeling forced to be all looks and little substance," she said. "And that's how it felt for me at the time, being reduced to this specific archetype."

Archetypes is released weekly on Tuesdays. After a four-week hiatus following the death of Queen Elizabeth II, the series has six episodes left.

When announcing the project, a collaboration with streaming giant Spotify, Markle said the podcast's aim was to "dissect, explore and subvert the labels that try to hold women back."

Update 10/18/22, 8:12 a.m. ET: This story has been updated with additional information and background.

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