Anger Over Man 'Upstaging' Absent Wife During Friends and Family Bake-Off

A man who took a competitive approach to an annual family baking competition has been accused of "upstaging" his wife in her absence.

In a post upvoted over 16,000 times on Reddit a user posting as u//wirnei339oe3jrj explained that he and his wife had a "tradition" every Christmas in which they bake cookies with friends and close relatives.

"Every year, my wife would take on the bulk of the baking duties, insisting that only she knew how to bake them "right" and only letting whoever is helping frost them," he explained.

However, this year she was unable to take part, leading her husband to take the lead in a turn of events that ended in the couple having a major argument.

Married couples can and often will fight over trivial matters and, more often than not, these disagreements can boil down to a lack of communication. A 2021 study published in the Journal of Family Issues saw 1,000 married participants quizzed on the most common reasons behind conflicts in their relationship.

Communication was the most common source of conflict along with disagreements about habits, chores and finances. More than a third also cited decision-making and spending quality time together as notable sources of disagreement. This particular couple's conflict touches on several of these reasons, though the husband's approach to the bake-off drew notable criticism on social media.

According to the Reddit post, despite the fact his wife said she was "sad" they wouldn't be able to do the annual baking, he insisted he was "more than capable of baking the cookies."

"She seemed to think I was joking and that I could basically never do it myself," he wrote. "Well, I said I'd try, and she wished me a sarcastic good luck."

Evidently spurred on to prove her wrong, the husband said he started "running drills to optimize production" and was "rearrange the house in various configurations" and "running tests on the dough we were using" to make the process as efficient as possible.

By the time the day of the bake-off rolled around he said he had "everything down to a science" and the cookies began "flowing out at a breakneck pace." He estimates they made "at least 5 times" as many cookies as before.

But while he was delighted with their efforts, when his wife returned home she was "upset" and insisted the cookies tasted "weird." She also accused him of spending too much money and was "actively trying to make her look bad by making so much more than her."

Though he insisted he had "zero intention of upstaging her" he also acknowledged running "blind tests" to compare her recipe with his. "She says that even if I didn't do it on purpose that I should have thought about how it made her look...and that I have embarrassed her," he said.

Commenting on the story, International Lawyer and Legal Board Advisor Dmytro Kondratiev told Newsweek he felt the husband was not trying to "embarrass" his wife but rather "make the most of the opportunity to bake cookies and have a good time with your friends and family."

"It's understandable that his wife might be upset that she wasn't able to participate in the cookie-making this year, but it's not fair for her to accuse him of trying to make her look bad," he wrote. "It's important for couples to be able to communicate openly and honestly with each other, and it's important to approach conflicts with respect and understanding."

Kondratiev suggested the problem would be best fixed through open and honest communication. "Instead of getting defensive or upset, it might be helpful to try to understand his wife's perspective and to have an open and honest conversation about how they can work together to address her concerns," he said. "It's possible that she just needs some reassurance that you value her contributions and that you didn't mean to hurt her feelings."

But while Kondratiev called for both parties to come together, many on social media were quick to condemn the husband's actions. FlashMcSuave said: "Quantity of cookies was never a priority. You chose to make it one. In doing so, you are suggesting to your wife and everyone else that you have a better method of making cookies than your wife." They continued: "Making cookies means something to your wife. It does not mean anything to you except seeing how much you can do."

RichiVee agreed, writing: "You didn't care about the tradition. You just wanted to beat your wife and focus on your goal" with Ok-Finger-733 adding: "This was an activity that was hers, it was special to her. She made it a part of her Christmas identity that no one else could do it right. Not only did you do it without her but you upstaged her in your production."

Newsweek reached out to u//wirnei339oe3jrj for comment. We could not verify the details of the case.

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