Praise for Man's Response to Stepdaughter Who Said 'You Are Not My Father'

A man has been accused of overreacting after responding to his stepdaughter's taunts of "you are not my father" by refusing to pay her college tuition.

In a Reddit post shared under the handle u/EnvironmentalPea5652, the 48-year-old stepdad wrote that his wife told him he was wrong to tell his 18-year-old stepdaughter to ask her "real dad" for the money, having known full well that her biological father had already said no.

But, despite coming in for criticism from his immediate family, the stepdad found plenty of support for his tough stance on the social-media platform.

Every child needs a father. A 2005 study published in the Journal of Family Issues found that the presence of a father in the family home has a positive impact on a daughter's psychological well-being.

Yet, despite the benefits that stem from having a stable father-figure, clashes between teens and stepparents are painfully familiar.

Writing in the post shared to Reddit, the man said that, despite having been Hannah's stepdad for four years, they have never gotten on well. "I have tried, but she always says that she doesn't like me and wants her 'real' Dad," the poster added. "When I try to tell her stuff or scold her for behaving out of order, she'd say 'You are not my father, you're just some stranger.'"

Despite Hannah's mom, Emily, asking her to behave properly, she has continued to disrespect her stepdad. "I had to pick Hannah up at school once, and when a couple of people who did not know I was her step-Dad asked her who I was, she said 'Oh, he's a servant, actually' in front of my face," the man wrote.

That incident proved to be the last straw for the stepdad. "After that I have always treated her as if she's invisible and barely had any interactions with her unless absolutely necessary," he wrote.

However, the stepdaughter recently began talking to him again as she is in the process of applying for college and now wants him to pay her fees. He's refusing to, though, telling her to ask her "real dad", despite knowing he has already "refused to pay for it himself."

The stepdad's refusal has sparked a major family row, with Hannah accusing him of affecting her education and his wife, Emily, telling him he has overreacted in his response. The stepdad is refusing to budge, though, saying that she is "not my business now."

Commenting on the conflict, Diane Gottsman, an etiquette expert and founder of The Protocol School of Texas, told Newsweek she could see things from the man's perspective.

"It's not a stepfather's responsibility to automatically cover the costs of his stepdaughter's tuition, simply because his wife and stepdaughter are pressuring him to do so when it's financially convenient," Gottsman said.

She added that the family needed to have a long-overdue conversation not only on her college expectations but also about family expectations in general.

"It sounds as if the stepdaughter, nor her mother, has not done much to support the stepfather in the past," Gottsman said. "It's not his responsibility to cover the cost of tuition, but a generous act by a family member if he chooses to do so."

Gottsman added: "It seems as if he has not been accepted as a member of the family until it's time to open his wallet. Not a good enough reason to pay the stepdaughter's tuition. His wife should have stepped in at some point in time to support him and neutralize the situation."

Much of that criticism was echoed among those commenting on the Reddit post. One user wrote: "She can have four years of missing out on her dream college and think over how treating someone as less than human isn't a good life strategy."

Another agreed, writing: "It's plain stupidity to be rude for four years and then suddenly expect someone will happily throw money at you." A third added: "She wasn't even the bare minimum of civil to him. The ATM should be closed."

Newsweek has contacted u/EnvironmentalPea5652 for comment via Reddit. We could not verify the details of the situation.

If you have a similar family dilemma, let us know via life@newsweek.com. We can ask experts for advice, and your story could be featured on Newsweek.