Man's Reply to Woman Refusing to Sit Next to 'Random Men' on Flight Praised

A man has been applauded for his response to a woman asking him to switch seats on a busy plane because she did not want to sit near random men.

The man opted not to move, later detailing what he did in a post shared to Reddit under the handle u/Hot_Acanthisitta8508. Though the woman had serious reasons for requesting the switch, the man earned praise for standing his ground.

The grim reality is that many women simply do not feel safe in public spaces because of men. In 2019, a YouGov survey of 1,206 U.S. adults found that 61 percent of American women regularly take steps to avoid being sexually assaulted. The poll also found that women were at least twice as likely as men to always feel unsafe when taking a trip to a foreign country alone (24 percent versus 12 percent).

All of which goes some way to explaining the request to u/Hot_Acanthisitta8508. In his version of events on Reddit, when he first boarded the flight out to visit his sister, he saw the woman sitting in the window seat. His seat was the aisle, leaving a gap of one seat between them. However, when he sat down, she told him he needed to talk to someone to find another seat.

When he asked why, she told him, while shaking, that she had recently been the victim of a sexual assault and "can't sit next to random men." The poster initially complied and went to ask a flight attendant if there were any more aisle seats as he had paid more to sit in one. Unfortunately, he was told "the only seats available were right at the back" and they were window ones.

"I like aisle seats due to being claustrophobic and wasn't prepared to sit in the window seat and at the back of the plane where you feel turbulence most," he wrote. When he returned to his seat, the woman asked why he had not moved. He explained the situation, at which point she became visibly panicky and started breathing loudly.

In response, he put some headphones on and began listening to music. However, he said the woman was still shaking and teary eyed two hours later and called a flight attendant over to ask if there was anywhere he could be moved to.

The flight attendant told her that ultimately, if he did not want to move and "wasn't doing anything in particular to upset her," there was not much they could do. At this point, the man snapped, telling the woman: "she shouldn't make her issues everyone's problem and if she was this bad should have booked the entire row." Later, when he arrived at his sister's, his sibling expressed shock over his apparent lack of compassion for the woman on the flight.

Reflecting on the incident, Alexandra Cromer, a licensed professional counselor at Thriveworks, a nationwide provider of in-person and online therapy services, told Newsweek: "It's definitely easy to understand how complex and complicated this case is. However, it seems that to take an objective look at this situation requires a balance of empathy and compromise. Both perspectives have validity, and it's important to consider empathy and accountability in this situation."

Cromer felt it was not fair for the woman to "assume that others will know of her recent sexual assault." She said: "While sexual assault is a horribly traumatic experience, there are some preventative steps that the woman could've taken ahead of time to prevent herself from sitting next to a man, or having ample space such as buying multiple tickets in the same row, traveling with trusted friends or family or buying a first-class ticket."

On the flip side, Cromer said that the man behind the post "could've engaged in some more problem-solving conversations with the female if he was unwilling to give up his seat." She added: "He could've offered to help her ask others if she felt too uncomfortable or offered to switch rows or seats with someone who had the same seat as him."

Cromer said that "while it's important to have empathy, it's also important to respect the boundaries of others and to take accountability for your own trauma and emotional responses as well as take proactive steps to avoid stressors and triggers and to be able to compromise if your psychological needs can't be met in a public space."

Though Cromer could see both sides, many on Reddit sided firmly with the man in this particular scenario. "If there was another window seat She should've took it and not forced you to move. She could've move for herself," one wrote. A second agreed: "She could have switched seats with a person in a row that had 2 other women."

A third posted: "Unfortunately, I know the panic she felt. You had every right to your seat. If she has issues that huge, she had other ways to prepare for the trip other than deciding another paying passenger should give up their seat."

A fourth commented: "If she is that terrified of men she shouldn't have gotten on a plane. I say this as a former sexual survivor. Yes, it takes time and work to get over your trauma but you can't make that the world's problem."

Newsweek has contacted u/Hot_Acanthisitta8508 via Reddit for comment.

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