A father is refusing to let his adult stepdaughter move back into the family home amid concerns she is a "terrible influence" on his two young kids. But while his wife is urging him to "reconsider" his stance, many online feel he's entirely within his rights to keep her out of the house.
In a post shared to Reddit under the handle u/DisgruntledDadd, the man wrote that his 24-year-old stepdaughter recently broke up with her boyfriend. She "wants somewhere else to stay for a few months until her lease ends since she doesn't want to keep living with her ex." However, the poster, who has 3-year-old and 6-year-old girls with the stepdaughter's mom, does not want to have her back in the house, following a series of conflicts during her previous stay.
The quality of a stepparent-child relationship is linked to overall family stability and the children's well-being, according to a 2016 study published in the Journal of Marital and Family Therapy. Researchers found that stepfather involvement was consistently associated with having a positive impact on stepfather-child relationship quality.
In this case, however, the stepfather has determined that the best way to maintain stability in his family home is by keeping his stepdaughter out. He cites her previous behavior as the chief reason for this. He wrote that, when she did live with them, she would have friends over who were "always loud and shouting in her bedroom when it's past the kids' bedtimes."
"She's come home late drunk and triggered our home alarms because she's too wasted to turn them off," the poster added. "I have to remind her multiple times to do her chores and it's just aggravating to have to do for an entire adult human."
On one occasion, he and his wife had to take their eldest daughter to ER, leaving the stepdaughter in charge of her half-sister. "When we came back she was drunk and couldn't understand why I was so mad since my daughter went to sleep as 'normal' anyways," the poster wrote. Ultimately, he added that he's trying to do "what's best for the kids" and is concerned his "mental health" would be impacted by having her in the house again.
Alexandra Cromer is a licensed professional counselor from Thriveworks. She works with families and individuals on issues with stress, anxiety, depression and life transitions.
Cromer told Newsweek: "It's a perfectly understandable boundary that this parent would like to set with his stepdaughter based on her past behaviors. Typically, my recommendation in these moments is to have a clear, honest conversation about boundaries and expectations and to communicate consequences of boundary violations."
Cromer said that the stepdad behind the post "took all of these steps" and the stepdaughter still "willingly violated" these boundaries. She added that, rather than let her move back in, the stepfather could find other ways to help, like sending groceries or finding her a new apartment.
"At the end of the day, it's necessary to protect and preserve boundaries at all costs, especially with small children in the home," Cromer said. "Perhaps in the future, if the stepdaughter is willing to follow boundaries, she can be invited back into the home, but it seems like this is not beneficial or healthy currently."
Those sentiments were echoed on social media. One Reddit user wrote: "Do NOT let her back in your home. If she gets a foot in the door, she will never leave...especially since your wife wants her there. A 24 year old who drinks that much should not be around young kids!"
A second commented: "You have two VERY easily influenced children to think about. it's not only how she behaves and how the kids tend to soak up that behavior, it's also a HUGE safety issue...You're doing the right thing. She's 24. She needs to grow up."
A third added: "She's 24, it's the 'figure it out' years. Especially because she has shown blatant disregard for your family."
Newsweek reached out to u/DisgruntledDadd via Reddit for comment. We could not verify the details of the case.
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Uncommon Knowledge
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Newsweek is committed to challenging conventional wisdom and finding connections in the search for common ground.
About the writer
Jack Beresford is a Newsweek Senior Internet Culture & Trends Reporter, based in London, UK. His focus is reporting on ... Read more
