Son Humiliating His Mom in Front of Friends Praised: 'Threatened to Disown'

A 22-year-old man has asked Reddit if he is the a****** after an awkward public interaction with his mother.

In the post, terriblyconfusedgay described how at a recent family gathering for a Jewish holiday, he invited two friends "because they wanted to see what it's like." His sister, her boyfriend and his parents were also there. He explained that he had already warned his friends about his mother's behavior, and "how my mom would act when I did something that was disappointing in her eyes, how she always threatened to disown me."

He continued: "I know that she loves me but she's done many things the wrong way and hurt me pretty badly in the process," adding that she has called him "the biggest regret of her life" and "the biggest shame in the family."

"In her opinion all of that is totally fine because she loves me and only wants the best for me," he said. He described how all evening: "All my mom could say about me were my flaws and the things I do wrong" to the point where he almost "broke down crying." He claims he began to tell stories about her hurtful behavior after "frustration and a bit too much wine got the better of me."

He concluded: "Now she's mad at me for telling these stories and making her look like a monster in front of others. Am I the a******?"

Reddit users voted that the OP wasn't the a******, and many people described the mother's behavior as "abusive" and suggested that he should reduce the contact with his parents, a technique for coping with difficult close relationships known as "low" or "minimum" contact.

"NTA but OP I think you need to go minimum contact with your mom, that's not 'questionable parenting' it's outright emotional abuse," said one user, while another said: "NTA. This is emotional abuse and you should think about going low contact if no contact."

Newsweek spoke to Shawnessa Devonish, a licensed counsellor at Rejuvenated Minds Therapeutic Services, who specializes in helping clients heal from unhealthy family relationships, about going "low contact" with parents.

"A person may insist to have low contact with their parents because their parents consistently violate established boundaries and/or put them at risk for physical, emotional, psychological, or financial harm," she said. Often when adult children want to reduce or completely cut off communication with their parents, the word narcissism comes up.

Lasting Behavioral Issues

A study from 2021 published in the Brain Informatics journal entitled Healing the next generation: an adaptive agent model for the effects of parental narcissism argued: "Children of narcissistic parents often suffer from life-lasting behavioral issues, and may have a high vulnerability.

"They may have experienced traumatic situations, especially when they were unable to please their parent. As a parent–child relationship is considered as a lifelong relationship, therapies or regulation strategies should be used to endure unpleasant parent–child experiences."

If you have been considering initiating a "low contact" relationship with your parents, Devonish suggests, "avoid allowing guilt and shame to trap you back into unhealthy relationships. It will be uncomfortable at first, but that is a small price you will have to pay for long term happiness."

She warns that "parents might make you feel guilty for establishing boundaries because they can no longer prey off of your lack of them. It can be a good idea for you to set time limits when interacting with that parent."

It's true that some parents may be oblivious of the effect of their behavior, and as Devonish said: "Some parents can just truly be unaware that their actions are impacting their child. Remember, they are flawed individuals just like the rest of us. Other parents may engage in this act to maintain control."

However, the word "hurt" should never be associated with a healthy relationship, she said. "Some adult children can hold on to hope that their behavior might change," she said, "however, hope can lead to disappointment if all parties are not committed to the transformation process."

Newsweek reached out to terriblyconfusedgay via Reddit for comment.

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