Husband Backed for Refusing Wife's Stay-at-Home Request: 'Pay Our Bills'

The internet has sided with a man after his wife, mom and sister told him that he should agree to his wife being a stay-at-home mom.

Redditor u/Agile_Creme2395 shared the story on the popular r/AmITheA**hole forum on Sunday, where it has since received thousands of upvotes and comments. In the post, the 28-year-old man asked: "AITA for telling my mom and sister to pay our bills if they agree my wife should be able to be a stay at home?"

According to a study by MagnifyMoney, 2.4 percent of parents were staying home with their children as of early 2021— a rise of 1.5 percent from pre-COVID levels in 2019.

The pandemic prompted a shift in many lifestyles, but notably led initially to a lack of child care options and the new ability for many to work remotely from home. In 2021, Mississippi, Delaware and Texas recorded the most stay-at-home parents, with all three states recording an increase of more than 100 percent compared to pre-pandemic levels.

In the post, the Redditor explained that his 31-year-old wife had recently been expressing an interest in being a stay-at-home wife to prepare for being a stay-at-home mom in the future.

The poster said: "We don't have kids and haven't been trying, and before getting married, we talked about kids and a work/home arrangement and we agreed that we'd both work prior and once we had kids agreed we'd take turns with the stay-at-home portion for the first year or two."

But the woman seemed to have changed her mind: "Now she wants to do away with that and be a stay-at-home wife until we have kids," explained the husband: "I don't want that, I never wanted that and I made clear from the start when we got serious. I enjoy my job a lot but my salary can't sustain a family."

Concerned about the financial impact of supporting his wife to quit her job, the subject was broached again during dinner with the man's family later that week.

"We had dinner at my mother's with my sister and her kids, while we were there my wife goes, 'Your son's being mean, he won't let me be a stay-at-home mom.' First, my family took this as she's pregnant and got excited so I had to tell them that wasn't it. She just wants to be stay-at-home," explained the husband.

Views of the Family

Before long, the argument became a discussion between the whole family: "It turned into this three-on-one conversation about how I should let her stay at home if that's what she really wants and I should be taking care of her and finding a way to make this happen for her," he explained.

After hearing from his family, he finally asked them: "Would you two help with the house whenever she needs it?" to which they replied: "Of course! That's what family is for," before the poster replied: "Cool. Keep that same energy and help me pay all our bills and every other expense to upkeep our current quality of life if you feel so strongly she should get to stay home."

But his family was not impressed with his reaction, telling the Redditor he was being overdramatic: "My mom called me stubborn and told me to find corners to cut to afford everything on my salary," he said: "We left and my wife wasn't too happy on the way home. She says I was out of line for saying that to my mom and sister."

U/Agile_Creme2395, who wished to remain anonymous, told Newsweek: "My mom and sister are still staunchly supporting my wife with this even though they know the agreement we had so I'll be trying to talk to my wife one more time today. Either she starts being reasonable or I just go file for divorce because this is a dealbreaker and she's known it from day one."

Reddit users rushed to share their thoughts on the viral post — overwhelmingly siding with the husband.

One commenter said: "NTA [not the a**hole], I've been here and the divorce will be horrible once you have children. Get out now."

Another reply said: "Your wife is manipulating your family to make you seem like the a**hole. Treat carefully before you introduce kids into this marriage."

"Don't be surprised if your wife quits work one day and doesn't tell you," said another Redditor: "Also don't be surprised if she ends up pregnant soon either. She is entirely manipulating you and if it were me I would run."

"It's easy to have an opinion on your paycheck when it doesn't concern them," said one comment.

UPDATE 09/05/22 10:00 a.m.: This article was updated with additional comment from the original poster.