Gisele Bündchen Becomes the Center of Jokes at Ex Tom Brady's Netflix Roast

At The Roast of Tom Brady, the roasters pulled no punches, crafting several of their comedic barbs around his 13-year marriage to supermodel Gisele Bündchen, making it a focal point of their jokes.

During the two-and-a-half-hour live Netflix special on Sunday, May 5, a lineup of renowned comedians, including host Kevin Hart, Jeff Ross, Will Ferrell, Nikki Glaser, Tom Segura, and Bert Kreischer, seized the opportunity to roast Brady.

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Additionally, figures from the sports realm didn't shy away from the spotlight. Former New England Patriots coach Bill Belichick, along with players Julian Edelman and Drew Bledsoe, each had their moment on stage to poke fun at the quarterback.

Despite Brady's overall good-natured demeanor throughout the night, a discernible unease was obvious to viewers, as numerous roasters unapologetically broached the topic of his ex-wife, leaving no stone unturned.

Hart set the tone for the roast by diving straight into the topic of Bündchen and her current beau, Joaquim Valente, a jiu-jitsu instructor. Despite swirling rumors of an affair during her marriage to Brady, all such allegations were denied.

"Gisele gave you an ultimatum. She said you have to retire or you're done. But when you have a chance to go 8-9 you gotta do it," Hart said before joking that Brady "f–ked" Belichick by leaving the New England Patriots for the Tampa Bay Buccaneers. "You f–ked him good. You did, Tom, you f–ked your coach, but let me tell you something people ... that's what you've got to do to maintain your happiness. You sometimes got to f–k your coach. You know who else f–ked their coach? Gisele. She f–ked that karate man."

Hart continued: "I mean Jesus Christ, Tom. One of the smartest quarterbacks ever played a game. How did you not see this coming? Eight f–king karate classes a day. ... Eight karate classes a day and she's still a white belt. F–k Tom. The only bruises she had were on her a—. everybody should have known it."

Brady and Bündchen, who share son Benjamin and daughter Vivian, split in 2022. (Brady is also dad to son Jack, whom he shares with ex Bridget Moynahan.)

The host's jokes merely opened the floodgates for more roasting about Brady's marriage. Jeff Ross quipped that Brady was the man "with so many rings he could melt them down and forge a sword to go on a quest to get Gisele back from that jiu-jitsu teacher."

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Drew Bledsoe, who stepped in for Brady as the starting quarterback of the Patriots in 2001, drew a parallel between Brady's playing days and his personal life. He joked that Brady didn't get sacked often, saying that he was "pretty used to not being touched. Just like at the end of the marriage."

Continuing his jabs, Bledsoe delivered another zinger about marriage, highlighting two experiences he's had that Brady hasn't: being a first-round draft pick (while Brady was drafted in the sixth round) and celebrating a 28th wedding anniversary. Bledsoe quipped, "It was yesterday," referring to his milestone with his wife Maura.

Glaser also did not hold back when it came to addressing Bündchen. "You have seven rings. Well, eight now that Gisele gave hers back," she said, referring to his seven Super Bowl wins.

She didn't stop there, adding a sharp jab about the roast itself, remarking, that the "only thing dumber" than Brady agreeing to do this roast was telling Bündchen to do jiu-jitsu. Taking it a step further, she humorously speculated on Brady's feelings, suggesting it must be challenging knowing "your ex-wife's new boyfriend can beat your ass while eating hers."

Lastly, comedians and co-podcasters Tom Segura and Bert Kreischer went in on the joke by displaying a Photoshopped picture of Hitler with Brady saying, "The only difference between Tom Brady and Hitler is that Hitler stuck with his wife until the end."