Fury at Dad Hiring Nanny for Grieving Kids After Loss of Mom: 'Outsourced'

A father-of-two has been accused of failing to properly parent his two grieving daughters after it emerged he had hired a nanny to take on much of the childcare.

According to a Reddit user posting as u/ThrowawyTri, who claimed to be a 45-year-old dad, their mom died of cancer two years ago, having been diagnosed just four months prior to her death.

Incredibly, he went on to meet his new wife, Alicia, aged 29, in the months following his first wife's death. "The hospital that had treated my late wife offered grief support groups that specialized in helping kids deal with their grief," he wrote. "I decided to take my kids to the support groups. Alicia was working in the gift shop of the hospital, so we'd pass each other regularly."

Eventually, while his kids were in private counseling sessions, he began to strike up a friendship with Alicia that soon blossomed into something else. "One thing led to another and we married six months ago," he said.

He said that while Alicia has helped him to "socialize" more, she told him she "didn't anticipate the thankless, backbreaking tasks that come with raising kids." As a result, he decided to hire a nanny.

As of 2021, over 167,172 nannies are currently employed in the U.S., according to data compiled by the recruitment website Zippia. Of that number, 92.2 percent are women while 7.8 percent are men.

Based on the latter of those two statistics, it would certainly appear as though nannies occupy the role of surrogate mom for many families but given that the U.S. population currently stands at around 331.9 million, a grand total of 167,172 nannies suggests they remain very much a luxury option.

In the case of this particular family, the dad puts it down to practicality. Neither he nor Alicia know how to cook and she also struggles with driving. His two daughters, meanwhile, aged 8 and 10, have struggled to adjust to having Alicia in their lives.

"Alicia ordered pasta for them once and my older daughter asked if she could make it like her mom did and that really set everything off on the wrong foot," the dad explained. "The final straw was when my younger daughter got sick. My wife and I were scrambling because neither of us knew how to make the special soup my daughter wanted and Alicia had never cared for a sick person other than me and I just grin and bear it."

The dad said he ultimately opted to hire help to fix what he saw as a "toxic situation." However, despite hiring the "sweetest old woman" to care for them, his kids have been left upset that he and Alicia are spending less time with them.

Commenting on the situation, Amy Hunnicutt, a licensed clinical mental health counselor at Thriveworks, a nationwide provider of in-person and online therapy services, acknowledged everyone involved was facing a "difficult situation."

"The kids and their father suffered through the loss of a partner and mother, and the father's new wife is adjusting to being a stepparent," Hunnicutt told Newsweek. "I don't think anyone is expressly in the wrong."

She said it seemed like the kids were seeking "a connection with Alicia" but that she is "having trouble connecting with the children and adjusting to marriage."

"I believe the family could benefit from family therapy to aid in the adjustment of becoming a blended family," Hunnicutt concluded. "Alicia would benefit from individual counseling to explore what is making it difficult for her to connect with the children. The father and his children could benefit from counseling to explore where they are in the grieving process."

But while Hunnicutt focused on Alicia's role, many on Reddit were instead directing their ire on the children's father for failing to be there for his kids.

"What have you done to help your kids deal with the loss of their mother? It doesn't sound like you're doing any parenting at all," one user wrote, while another commented: "It seems like the kids feel dad has outsourced the caring to a paid professional and that doesn't feel like love. They want someone who loves them to take care of them." A third added: "You're putting a woman you haven't even known for two years above your children."

Newsweek reached out to u/ThrowawyTri via Reddit for comment. We could not verify the details of the case.

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