Father of the Bride Refusing to Fund Daughter's 'Dream' Wedding Applauded

The father of a bride has won the support of the internet by refusing to stump up the cash for his daughter's "dream" wedding.

Writing in a post shared to Reddit under the handle u/Solid-Pass8944, the dad explained that he had agreed to pay for his daughter's nuptials, but she "wishes to have a destination wedding" and he has told her no. "My wife feels I should do it because we can afford it, but I find it to be a pointless showing of wealth," he wrote.

Destination weddings are a popular choice among a significant proportion of soon-to-be-married couples. According to a poll of nearly 12,000 couples who got married in 2022, which was conducted by online wedding planning platform The Knot, around two in 10 newlyweds opted for a destination wedding—at a location other than their hometown or near to where they live.

In this instance, however, the Redditor's daughter, who lives in New York, wants to tie the knot somewhere a little further afield—New Zealand. "She is currently asking for around $200,000," he wrote. "This is not counting what guests would have to pay to come."

The father admitted to having second thoughts however. "My daughter is not talking to me, nor is my wife," he wrote. "Which got me thinking, should I bite the bullet and essentially burn money, and alienate family members to make my daughter's dream wedding a reality."

Diane Gottsman, a national etiquette expert from The Protocol School of Texas, was inclined to agree that he needed to reassess things.

"Historically, the parents would pay for the bride and groom because historically, the bride's family was offering a 'dowry' to the groom for marrying their daughter but today, most couples both work, marry later and often pay for a portion of their own wedding," she told Newsweek.

"Parents still do help out when budget allows and the bride's family typically covers a portion or all of the wedding expenses. However, today nothing is written in stone."

Despite this, Gottsman felt the dad was wrong to shut down any suggestion of a destination wedding.

"The father of this bride is pulling out because he doesn't approve of the destination and both his daughter and wife are upset. This is not his wedding and he will probably regret taking such a firm stand. The daughter should do what she wants to do, if the couple can afford it," she said.

"Ultimately, the father is using his money as a bargaining chip. I suggest he offer to pay the amount he intended and let the couple determine if they can afford the rest. If the parents are paying they do have a say as to how much they are willing to spend. It's called a budget."

Gottsman also expressed concern that the conflict had more to do with power than money. "The father may win, but the daughter will never forget," she said.

The Reddit community disagreed, though, insisting the father was right to stick to his guns. One user commented: "If she can't pay for a destination wedding on her own, then she shouldn't be having a destination wedding. It seems cruel but it's true."

A second agreed, writing: "Your daughter is being selfish and unreasonable. Does she really expect folk to spend 16+ hours traveling for her wedding? Time to put your foot down. Set a budget and say it must be local or within an hour or so."

A third added: "You're not stopping her from having a destination wedding. You just don't want to be the ATM. What happens when people can't make it because it's a destination wedding? Are you supposed to pay for them, too?"

Newsweek has contacted u/Solid-Pass8944 for comment.

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