Family Member Slammed for Reason They Told 16-Year-Old She's 'Not Gorgeous'

Reddit users were shocked when one poster revealed that they picked at their 16-year-old niece's looks right after complimenting her younger sister.

The Redditor had taken to the platform after a family gathering turned sour and shared a post under the username u/SubstantialSea2965 about the "compliments" they paid to their two teenage nieces, sparking an online debate about sibling rivalry and the impact of words on children, particularly young women.

They described an incident where a comment about one niece's appearance led to an argument and criticism from their sister-in-law.

According to the post, which has gained over 6,300 upvotes and more than 2,000 comments, the user decided to praise one niece, Bria, for looking "gorgeous" as she prepared for a party.

This prompted their sister-in-law to demand a similar compliment for her older daughter, Leah, which led to the user bluntly responding that Leah was "not gorgeous." The statement shocked their family members and ignited a broader conversation online about the family dynamics and the psychological impacts of such interactions.

"My brother and sister-in-law have two daughters: Bria, 14, is his, and Leah, 16, is hers," the Redditor wrote.

"The problem is my sister-in-law. Every time someone compliments Bria we MUST also compliment Leah otherwise she will get mad."

"A few days ago we were at their home and the girls were getting ready to go to a party. Bria was looking absolutely gorgeous so I told her 'omg Bria you look gorgeous.' SIL interrupted me again and said 'but isn't Leah very gorgeous?'"

"I finally snapped and said "no she is not" she looked at me shocked and said what the hell is wrong with you to say that. I told her I didn't want to say that but since she wanted to know I answered truthfully. If she thinks her daughter is gorgeous then she should tell her but she can't expect people to compliment her."

Newsweek reached out to u/SubstantialSea2965 for comment via Reddit.

The conversation on Reddit highlights the importance of navigating compliments and criticisms within family settings carefully, especially when younger individuals who are particularly sensitive to peer and family perceptions are concerned.

Critics on Reddit condemned the poster's approach, labeling it insensitive and potentially harmful to Leah's self-esteem.

"She's a 16-year-old girl. That could seriously have an adverse effect on her self-esteem. It's a shitty way to get back at your sister-in-law by making Leah hurt," one user wrote.

Another added: "Does [the original poster] OP really have to do the 'brutal truth' thing? 'You two look great!' is a perfectly good thing to say."

A third shared: "And brutal truth for two teenage girls at a sensitive point in their development of identity and self confidence? OP sucks."

Kim Christink, founder and owner of Bayridge Counselling Centres in Canada, told Newsweek that this scenario is indicative of "a mother struggling with insecurity, unfortunately at the expense of her family relationships."

Christink explained that the sister-in-law's constant demand for praise for Leah could stem from insecurities about her daughter being perceived as lesser in comparison to Bria. This often results in an awkward dynamic within the family, where genuine compliments become a source of conflict.

The expert said that such situations require a delicate balance. Offering personalized compliments that celebrate individual attributes without directly comparing siblings may provide a healthier approach.

Christink recommends specific praises such as, "Leah, I just love the way you did your hair!" or "Bria, that color is very flattering on you!" which acknowledges each child's unique qualities without fostering a competitive atmosphere.

In a similar vein, fostering activities that both siblings can enjoy together may help bridge the gap and reduce rivalry, promoting a more inclusive family environment.

"Where possible, try to acknowledge the girls in ways that celebrate their different interests and talents while, at the same time, trying to encourage them to get something done together," Christink said.

"This is exactly the place where understanding and even empathy toward the mother is required. What does she feel insecure about? This goes very deeply, and perhaps help is required so that she can get over it—help which can be rendered by professionals," Christink added.

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