Debate as Man Must Choose Pregnant Wife or Dying Mom: 'Who Would You Pick?'

A debate has broken out online after a man shared how he was forced to choose between supporting his pregnant wife or saying goodbye to his dying mother, if they were both in hospital.

"We are expecting our first child soon," the 36-year-old man wrote on the social media platform, Reddit.

"My mother, who is 70, was diagnosed with stage 4 cancer and has been hospitalized. Doctors say she will not survive since treatments aren't working well on her. My dad died when I was young, and my mom took care of me while working two jobs. I feel I owe everything to my mother."

"[...] My wife and I were talking, and she asked if [I] got a call that [she] was in labor or [my] mom was going to die, who would [I] pick. I told her that I would pick my mom and she got mad," he added.

The man continued in the Reddit post that his wife then pressed him on the matter, to find out why he'd prioritize bidding farewell to his mom over welcoming in his little one.

"I told her that I wanted to be there to say goodbye to my mom since I would never see her again, and so that she would have somebody there in her final moments," the man wrote.

"She was still mad and told me to get out of the house. I left, and now I'm at my mom's house," he added.

Newsweek consulted a licensed professional counselor, Leah Parker, for her take on the matter. The perinatal couples therapist says that the Redditor and his loved ones are facing an emotionally sensitive period that has affected their expectations.

"The universal human condition is to want what you want when you want it. This leads to the universal couple's dilemma, we both can't have what we want and neither one of us wants to compromise," Parker said.

"The story then becomes 'it is your fault I can't have what I want' and we lash out and vilify our partner. If we shift the story, we can hold space for both partners' desires and find a healthy compromise."

"Further to that, playing the what-if game with your partner is an unfair trap and should be avoided. Especially when there is no right answer like in this impossible scenario," she added.

Parker went on to say that the 33-year-old woman's "lack of compassion and understanding" towards her partner's situation is an indicator of a poor psychological boundary.

"Kicking him out is an unhealthy punishing behavior. Her feelings are valid, but that extreme reaction lets me know she is creating a lot of meaning from this hypothetical scenario that is probably not true," the counselor summed up.

What Do The Comments Say?

Since it was shared to the social media platform on January 1 by u/goodshirt360, the Reddit post has been upvoted by more than 84 percent of the users who engaged with it and commented on more than 8,000 times. The post has sparked debate and conversation from internet users who have weighed up the dilemma.

"I get it from both [points of view]. Yes, at face value, her question is selfish. But with all that could go wrong, I understand her fear and the only part that you got wrong was not understanding. It's scary," one user wrote.

Another user added: "I get both sides of this. Honestly though, if I told my mum I'd choose her over the birth of my child, she would tell me to stop being a d*** and go to the birth of my child."

The Reddit post can be seen here.

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