Should You Let People Hold Your Baby This Christmas?

Christmas with a newborn can be both wonderful and complicated. Relatives are almost guaranteed to want to cuddle and kiss your tot, and while they mean well, it's understandable that parents might be nervous this year.

COVID is still a risk, as are illnesses caused by the respiratory syncytial virus (RSV) and influenza. Hospital rates for RSV are reportedly seven times higher than in winter 2018, and combined with the flu, have been pushing pediatric wards to the limit.

RSV is spread through respiratory droplets from infected individuals (such as through coughs and sneezes). In healthy adults, the effects of RSV are usually minor but can lead to complications such as pneumonia and bronchiolitis in infants and the elderly.

Still, friends and family members often expect to hold the baby, with many feeling offended when told "no." We asked experts how much parents should worry, and if parents should keep loved ones at arm's length this festive season.

Why You Should Stop Family From Seeing Your Newborn Baby

Dr. Rebekah Diamond is a pediatric hospitalist in New York City and an assistant professor of pediatrics at Columbia University. She said your child's age is a big consideration when deciding whether to let family and friends hold them.

"For many reasons, the risk of viral infection is highest in newborns and younger babies," she told Newsweek. "This is why I limit exposure as much as possible during the first month of life."

"As babies get older, they tend to be less at risk from complications of getting a cold. However, there's still a significant risk of getting sick and even requiring hospitalization for cold viruses (including but not limited to flu, RSV, and COVID) for all babies, compared to older kids and adults."

Strategies that Diamond recommends for keeping your baby safe include asking people to wash their hands before holding your child, insisting they wear a mask, not allowing recently sick individuals too close to your baby, and asking people not to kiss them.

"You should feel empowered to require proof of vaccination for all childhood immunizations, flu shots, whooping cough booster, and COVID vaccine before permitting someone to be in close contact with your baby," she said.

How To Tell Family They Will Not Be Seeing Your Newborn Baby

If you've decided you'd rather not have anyone hold your baby this year, there are ways to make the situation less awkward.

Wellness coach Judi Durand sees many new moms who are anxious about others holding their child, mainly due to "pushy family members."

"It is assumed that babies should be passed around as commonly as trays of appetizers," Durand told Newsweek.

Durand recommends approaching the festive season with a plan that respects family members' well-meaning desire to hold the baby, while also protecting your own boundaries and that of your child—who might not enjoy being handed from person to person.

"Delivering their responses with a big smile will always disarm even the most overly aggressive family member," Durand said. "Committing to the prepared explanations of why the baby cannot be passed around, and ensuring the response has no weak follow-up holes that anyone can refute is important."

Durand said that compromises are also a good way to avoid awkward situations.

"For example, try 'you cannot hold the baby today but shake their little foot to say hello, they will like that,'" she suggested. "Or, 'You can't hold the baby, but you can still enjoy them with a big smile.'"

Real Life Moms Who Do Not Want Family To Hold Their Baby

Online, opinion on the matter seems to be mixed, at least amongst moms. A new mother recently went viral on Mumsnet after asking if she was "unreasonable" not to let anyone hold her baby at a holiday celebration, sparking a heated debate.

She wrote: "Given the current triple threat of flu, RSV and COVID, we are in agreement: [husband] and I want to be very clear on that day in saying to everyone that we will be the only ones holding the baby and no one will be kissing him, etc. What would be the polite yet effective way of telling all my aunts and uncles and cousins and other little kids this without sounding rude or coming across as obnoxious?"

Some users shared ideas with the new mom for avoiding awkwardness, such as wearing the baby in a sling, but most commenters felt she was unreasonable.

"You'd be better off staying at home if you're that scared," wrote user AnotherAppleThief. "If they have a virus, mixing in close proximity to such a large group is likely to spread it anyway."

Isittrueornot asked: "Is this your first baby? I too was way over the top with my first haha! Now she is 12 I look back at it and cringe."

Nevertheless, AnaCav isn't the only mom to feel this way. In a video shared to TikTok on December 1, user @caseyisabellaa said not letting people hold your baby is "common sense."

In another clip shared earlier this year, TikToker Madison Chavez (@thechavezfamilyy) said: "Let's stop pressuring moms to feel like they have to let others hold their baby." In a separate Mumsnet thread from November, users backed a mom sharing her frustration about strangers trying to touch her baby.

"Germs and all aside, I don't even know you!" wrote poster RiceRiceBaby16.

"I'm also genuinely concerned about people's perceptions about boundaries."

Have you had a similar dilemma? Let us know via life@newsweek.com. We can ask experts for advice on relationships, family, friends, money, and work, and your story could be featured on Newsweek's "What Should I Do? section.