Anger Over In-Laws Offering To Clean Couple's 'Dirty' Apartment

A woman has described the "hurt" she felt after learning her in-laws had been complaining about her apartment being "dirty" and offered to clean it.

In an angry post shared to Mumsnet by the handle Dakotablue, the woman vented her frustration at her husband's parents overstepping the mark with their "rude" comments about where they live.

Clean house clean mind—that's how the saying goes. Yet, research suggests a significant proportion of Americans struggle to maintain this kind of Zen-like order around the home.

In a poll of 2,000 U.S. adults conducted on behalf of vacuum cleaner manufacturer Eufy, 73 percent admitted that while they like having a clean home, they hate doing the cleaning.

The same study found 50 percent of respondents consider themselves last-minute cleaners who put off tasks until the bitter end while 47 percent admitted there are rooms in their house that are so dirty, guests are forbidden from entering them.

The woman posting her dilemma to Mumsnet said she does not fall into this category. "I sweep the floor daily, mop every couple of days, keep on top of dishes, washing machine etc," she wrote. "[Our apartment] is a little small for the two of us and maybe a little more cluttered than some would like as a result, but we're not exactly hoarders."

It all started when the woman posted a picture of their apartment on social media.

Her mom-in-law was quick to react, telling her son, "The first thing I noticed was that X area was dirty." A week later, when the woman was out of town, her in-laws came to visit and were immediately appalled at the state of the place.

"Apparently when they walked in they said 'oh dear, wow,'" the woman wrote, adding that they even "offered to clean" the apartment for the pair.

The situation has sparked fury on the part of the woman, who branded her in-laws "rude" over the remarks and their offer to clean.

"I feel a bit hurt," she wrote. "She'd never say that sort of stuff to my face. Maybe they were well-meaning but I feel like it's rude to comment negatively on people's houses and to clean/tidy without them even asking."

Jennifer Kowalski, a licensed professional counselor who specializes in relationship issues and conflict resolution at the in-person and online therapy company Thriveworks, told Newsweek the conflict was about more than an untidy apartment.

"I could easily say the son needed to immediately come to the defense of his wife and tell [his mom that] she needs to mind her own business, but while this scenario appears to be about the apartment, it is about the mother's evaluation of the daughter-in-law," she said.

"Mothers envision a life for their children before they are in the womb, and the hardest thing for a mother is giving away her child to someone she believes is replacing her. This is especially true when the partner is female," the expert observed.

Kowalski theorized that the mom-in-law's unsolicited advice about the apartment was "really her evaluation of whether the daughter-in-law is measuring up to her standards."

"Sons usually stay quiet because they are keeping the peace, but when they do not speak up, mothers often start to think they have a place to continue intervening," she warned. "The daughter-in-law now must contend with the mother-in-law's judgment and the fear that [her husband] is not happy with her, because his silence sparks doubt. The only way to reunite the family is to reassure everyone that they are a partnership that does not need outside opinions."

Those commenting on social media offered a more blunt assessment of the situation though.

User SippingSangriaInMyHead felt it was absolutely rude, adding: "It's up to you how you have your house. Even if you decide to never clean again, it's not their business."

Travelbud suggested taking an extreme course of action, writing: "Just don't have them at your house in future. Meet for a quick coffee and leave it at that." with BCBird agreeing: "They either come and don't comment or they don't come. I would not spend hours cleaning. Why should you?"

Newsweek was not able to verify the details of the case.

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